March 13th, 2007 | 1 Comment »

Midnight (a few nights ago). I’m awakened by a small presence and a soft touch on my arm. A little voice. “I’m wet.” And my heart swells.

New sentences rapidly form. “I go pee pee.” (After the fact, number one or number two, but it’s a start.) “Milk all gone.” “Guy all wet.” (Pointing at his motorcycle man’s private area.) “I hear big truck.” “I need bath.” “Go outside.”

And last night, atop the stairs after only an hour of sleep. “I want tee.” It took me a while, but I finally realized he was saying “I want to watch tv,” to which I inwardly groan. Even though I’m so proud of his progress, I’m not so keen that he become a tv hound. He knows that after he falls asleep, I go downstairs and watch tv before going to bed. He just wants to be with us, I tell myself. It doesn’t help that on weekends when I’m feeling lazy, I let him play at our feet while we watch tv and until he passes out, asleep. Because Lord knows Mr. Gadget won’t put him to bed…

He’s learning colors too. I like this, because I didn’t teach him this, so I know he’s picking up good things at daycare. “Red phone.” (My phone is red. He’s so good.) “White shoes.” His shoes are white. “Blue truck.” “Daddy’s truck.” He’s understanding size too. “Big bus.” And so on.

What I love best about this time is that he’s going through an affectionate phase! I’m counting my lucky stars and snuggling him as much as he’ll let me. He hasn’t been the most affectionate child, and I missed out on a lot of infant snuggling, so I’m drinking this up. My snuggle buggle bear.

Posted in children
February 23rd, 2007 | 2 Comments »

Two pairs of pants, four shirts, three sets of pyjamas, three towels, a set of sheets, and a couple of blankets, resulting in five loads of laundry. That was the casualty count from Beautiful Boy’s upset tummy bout on Wednesday evening. Poor little guy. He was boisterous and happy, with no fever. He didn’t seem to be feeling poorly at all.

Having requested assistance in cleaning up the mess on the sheets and bedding, and being told “I am quite capable of doing this without your help,” while I was struggling to clean the child while not spreading the spew any further than necessary, imagine the level of pleasantry in my attitude when I discovered that the bedding remained piled in a laundry basket, rather than in the washing machine, washing merrily away. Apparently, the part he was quite capable of was limited to removing the sheets from the mattress, and gosh, why would, should, or could I interpret that to mean that he would actually take the bedding downstairs, rinse off the chunks if necessary, transfer the bedding to the washing machine, and turn it on

So, I muttered something and threw the sheets in the machine, without rinsing off the chunks. Later, I speculated out loud as to whether the washing machine can handle chunks that size (moderately chewed grape halves), to which I was reprimanded for not knowing better, that one should remove the large debris before putting the soiled items in the machine. Okay, I knew that, and yes, I was being a bit lazy in not rinsing the sheets, but I was miffed that I had to contend with the sheets at all. So, I nearly exploded, because, hello Why is he reprimanding me, when he implied that he would take care of it in the first place To which he said, “Don’t even go there…” Which nearly sent me ballistic, as I was already on the verge of explosion. As if there were any remote way that I somehow might have shirked on my responsibilities? I think he uses that “Don’t even…” as some kind of a distraction tactic, because there are no grounds! Ever!

Because… I do most things related to keeping up a household (laundry, cooking, cleaning, shopping). He takes out the garbage. Okay, he does the gadget-centric tasks that spring up now and then, but I figure those get counterbalanced by the computing/techno things that spring up which I take care of. Therefore, in my view, things are grossly out of balance, so yes, it takes only the most miniscule hint of criticism or finger pointing to send me postal. Oh, so frustrating!

Thursday morning, he carefully inquires as to whether I will be able to make a doctor’s appointment for Beautiful Boy. I try to be calm and not get frustrated. I don’t know why he thinks that going to the doctor will make a difference in how fast he gets better. It’s an upset tummy. It will pass. He has no symptoms of anything serious. I just don’t see how a doctor’s visit will be helpful. I would have to keep him home until the time of the appointment, which wouldn’t allow me to get any work done, and then we’d go to the appointment and the doctor would most likely tell me to watch his fluids so that he doesn’t get dehydrated, and wait it out, which is what I am already doing. After which I’d have to drop him off at daycare, where he will cry and cry because that is what he does when I’m the one who drops him off, especially when he’s had a long and leisurely morning with me, so then I will cry on my way back home, because it breaks my heart when he does that. And then I’ll only be able to get a couple of hours of work done at best. So, all in all, a doctor’s visit would cause me a great deal of unnecessary stress.

I blew off the doctor appointment suggestion and proceeded with my work day. Things at the office started to get some resolve, although new things cropped up to keep me incredibly busy. All these things, so that I hrumph about in a snarly funk for a while, but then I notice a blazing blue sky filled with fluffy white clouds and it instantly washes my ire away. It’s amazing how that happens. A small part of me wanted to stay miffed a bit longer, because I wanted to attempt to express all that frustration to Mr. Gadget, but I was glad for the healing sunbreak. Also, he called and said something funny, to diffuse things, because, after all, we needed to be made up by the evening if we were to stick to our TTC schedule. So I forgave him.

Friday has arrived, and with it a nauseous headache. Maybe you’re pregnant, he says, puffing out his chest proudly. Mister Super Sperm. Right. Symptoms after less than twelve hours I don’t think so. I don’t think I’ve even ovulated yet, although we should be in that window right now. There have been no signs. The headache may be hormonal, so things may be on the verge. Who knows. All this elevated emotion of the past few days is no doubt exacerbated by hormone changes taking place. I should cut myself some slack and try not to get so worked up over every little thing, even though I do think my recent frustrations are justified!

Meanwhile, how thankful I am for a venue in which I can ramble on and on and on and get it all out.   A nice long whinge now and then does a body good.

Posted in family, pregnancy
February 12th, 2007 | Comments Off on resistance is futile

Every day I find little odds and ends tucked away here and there. Today there is a zebra and a cell phone on the file stand in the office. There are also some diapers (clean!) tucked away in nooks and crannies of the office bookcase. If I look closer, I may find more little toys stuffed in there as well, keeping them company. I found a sock stuffed between a dumptruck body and bed. There are magnetic letters stuffed inside trucks. I do try to be diligent in keeping track of the sippy cups, as it would not be a good thing at all to discover a long-curdled discarded cup tucked away in some secret place.

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There is a little bookcase in the living room. See It’s sort of antiquey, and hand made by some moderately skilled person, some time ago. I bought it at a small town auction for $10. It has wheels hiding behind the skirt.

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It doesn’t seem to matter how many times I pick up the toys and put them away. In short order, the living room typically looks like this. Every day. All the time.

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Except for the few minutes before my active little guy gets home. Then it looks like this. But only for a moment.

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I found this adorable toy chest at IKEA. It’s made of nylon. I love the details, from the handles to the lock. And look! It matches the wall, quite nicely.

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If only he would play with one thing at a time, and put things away when he’s done.  But where’s the fun in that

February 7th, 2007 | 1 Comment »

I just love the sound of a toddler’s voice –especially when it’s my toddler’s voice! Everything has a sort of an ‘h’ sound in it. I’ve not been on top of things, as far as capturing his firsts for posterity. First tooth I don’t recall. I remember eight teeth came in all at once, but I don’t remember when. First words I don’t know. First haircut That was shortly after his first birthday. I had good intentions, but just didn’t follow through, capturing this stuff. I’ve been thinking of how delighted I am by the sound of his voice and the enthusiasm with which he points to things when he proudly tells me what they are. I thought I’d try to at least capture this, as best I can.

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  1. D (dheeh)
  2. A (ayhe)
  3. B (bheeh)
  4. Y (wyah)
  5. I (Iyah)
  6. sky (kiyah)
  7. wall (whah)
  8. moon (a mhooh! a mhooh! or myeeoon)
  9. stool (dhooh)
  10. keys (keeyah)
  11. truck (tuk)
  12. drive (dhive)
  13. helicopter (hay-yee-ka)
  14. ambulance (ahm-moo)
  15. baby (bhaaaaaye-bee)
  16. cup (khuh)
  17. Mommy (Mhohhhhhh-meee) <– I LOVE that he sings it in this long drawn out way, gush!
  18. Daddy (Dhahhhhhh-deee)
  19. green beans (mheen-mheen)
  20. mine (MHIYAH!)
  21. vacuum (bak)
  22. broom (bhoo)
  23. bowl (bhohw)
  24. milk (mheeyuhl)
  25. juice (dhooce)
  26. apple (ap-poh)
  27. soup (sooh)
  28. ball (bhah)
  29. please (bhee, bheeze)
  30. up (uh)
  31. sorry (dhah-yee)
  32. thank you (dhah-koo)
  33. fan (bhah)
  34. What are those (ah-doh )
  35. What’s that called (ah-kho )
  36. balloon (byooh)
  37. rock (rhah)
  38. yucky (uhck-ee)
  39. yummy (yhum-meee)
  40. mouth (mhou-wah)
  41. eyes (Iyah)
  42. nose (nhohwa)
  43. hair (heh)
  44. leg (yheg)
  45. toes (dhoh)
  46. teeth (teehe)
  47. shoes (sooh)
  48. kitty (kih-yee)
  49. light (yhigh)
  50. wipes (whiya)
  51. all gone (ah-go)
  52. spoon (pooh)
  53. door (dhowa)
  54. gate (gaye)
  55. house (howe)
  56. hot (hawh)
  57. cold (koh-ohhhh)
  58. pull (puhl)
  59. remote (ah-mho)
  60. saw (dhaw)
  61. spill (pe-yuhl)
  62. drop (dhop)
  63. hi (hiye)
  64. night-night (nhigh-nhigh)
  65. bye-bye (bhye-bhye)
  66. coat (kho)
  67. boat (bho)
  68. train (choo-choo)
  69. plane (peen)
  70. trike (tyke)
  71. shower (dhowa)
  72. towel (dhowl)
  73. tea (teeh)
  74. snow (nhoh)
  75. tree (treeh)
  76. back pack (bhab- bhab)
Posted in children
January 23rd, 2007 | 1 Comment »

There is a small dog at daycare named Ci-Ci. My son learned to say Ci-Ci quite some time ago, but he insists that all dogs are Ci-Ci! Ci-Ci means dog in toddlerese. And now, he has extended the definition a bit further.

I have a sweatshirt with a big applique of Eeyore on the front. (It was a hand-me-down, don’t worry.)

My son, pointing at Eeyore: “Ci-Ci!”

Me: “Eeyore”

My son: “Yee-oh”

Me: “Very good! You’re so smart! Eeyore!”

My son: “Ci-Ci!”

Me: “Eeyore!”

My son: “Ci-Ci!”

Me: “Eeyore!”

My son: “Ci-Ci!”

Me: “Eeyore!”

My son: “Ci-Ci!”

Me: “Eeyore!”

My son: “Ci-Ci!”

Me: “Eeyore!”

My son: “Ci-Ci!”

Me: “Eeyore!”

…and so on. He is adamant! He’s stated his position, and by golly, he’s going to stick with it! I can only imagine what I have in store.

Posted in children
January 21st, 2007 | 3 Comments »

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Although washing windows is a great skill to master in and of itself, let us not forget the importance of teaching our children how much fun it is to clean.

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And when the cleaning fun is all over, there is time to climb on furniture, play, bat those long and beautiful eyelashes at your mother and show her just how adorable you are. After that, when you’ve fallen off the stool and gotten an owie on your bottom, you can snuggle with her and she will make you feel all comfy-womfy and make everything all better. Then you will forget and go back and do it again. And again. And maybe one more time.
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Posted in children
January 14th, 2007 | 8 Comments »

Two years old!

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Blowing out candles is oodles of fun!
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So is chasing balloons.
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My little big man is growing up so fast. Thirty seven and a half inches tall, and that many pounds as well. Such a boisterous big and beautiful boy, my Love Bug, Bugaboo, Boo Boy.  Happy birthday, my sweet pea prince.

Posted in children
January 11th, 2007 | 1 Comment »

There is seldom a time when there is daylight, snow, the lot of us home, and a sled on hand. Seizing the opportunity, we ventured out into the cold for a few minutes of fun. Look at that red nose! Yes, we all have the sniffles.
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Noh! (Snow!) Words are flowing. Dooh! (Stool!) Doh! (Door!) Bab-bab! (Backpack!) Myeeoon! (Moon!) It’s a delight. He runs from room to room pointing at things and announcing them with great pride. He is so pleased with himself, my sweet little one.

January 9th, 2007 | 5 Comments »

Poor little Boo. The sniffles started on Thursday or Friday and there was a little bit of fever here and there, accompanied by some tearing eyes with swollen eyelids, but he seemed to be feeling better on Saturday.

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There was a bit of a croupy sounding cough which alarmed me, though, and then he started drooling. At that point it was Saturday night and I called the doctor, after having read that with that laundry list of symptoms, one should call the doctor immediately. She recommended Ibuprofen over Acetaminaphen, and plenty of fluids. Sometimes I think those books on children’s health, although trying to be helpful, introduce too much stress on the parents’ part. They seem to put forth the worst case scenario. I don’t want to be the one to freak out over every little thing and thus turn my child into a quivering quaking neurotic mess with little to no self-confidence. On the other hand, I don’t want to ignore or overlook things for which I ought to seek assistance. Sunday he had much more energy and the cough was less croupy. Monday he seemed energetic and boisterous. I gave him some Ibuprofen when we got home that night, just for good measure and not long after he got whiny and drowsy. I took his temperature and it was around 100. I held him and he fell asleep, but he felt very warm, so half an hour later I took his temp and it was 103.5 in one ear and 105.5 in the other. This freaked me out, so I stripped him down immediately and got in the bathtub with him, in lukewarm water. He screamed while I dabbed cool water on him. I held him close but kept gently wetting him, trying to cool him down. When his temp dropped to around 101 I put him on my lap out of the water but his temp rose immediately again, so back in the water we went. Meanwhile, we tried to reach the doctor. Finally, she called back and recommended alternating the Tylenol with the Motrin, every 2 hours, and also giving him some Sudafed. She asked that we bring him to the office in the morning, but if his fever spiked again so high before then, to take him to the ER. The Tylenol brought his fever down nicely, and we made it through an uneventful night. I’ve had the humidifier running with eucalyptus oil since Thursday, which has been somewhat of a help. Meanwhile, the full frontal onslaught of toddler coughs and sneezes has finally taken it’s toll, and today I find myself battling the bug as well.

The doctor confirmed that my 37 lb almost 2 year old has an ear infection, and possibly a throat infection as well, so prescribed antibiotics. His 2 year well child physical is next week. It’s uncanny how he manages to get sick enough to require a doctor visit one week before his regularly scheduled checkup. This has happened for the last four checkups (12, 15, 18, and 24 months). Weird. The nice part is that means he hasn’t been sick for six months.

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We went to fill his prescription, but Costco wasn’t yet open, so we went to Target to kill 45 minutes. My poor little guy was whining and crying the whole time. I felt so bad for him, but look what I found! I’ve been hoping to find dishes like these for several years now. They’re never quite right, the dishes I encounter, but these plates! Oh, these plates I adore! They remind me of the Hubble nebulae photographs, which I LOVE! The bowls and cups are a bit off. I love the glaze, but not the shape. I ought to be a designer. It’s perfectly fine to mix round with square. Just because one has square plates does not mean the bowls must also be square. Sigh. Alas, Target didn’t ask me. I bought the set anyway, on the plate merit alone. What a find. They are stunning.

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Back at Costco, we arrived 15 minutes after opening time, and it was completely packed. It’s insane. It must be senior citizen prescription filling day, because the wait at the pharmacy was two hours. TWO HOURS!! My sweet little boy fell asleep and I made a nest for him in the cart. Being the prepared mother that I am, I keep a comforter, pillow, and blanket in the car, so I can make a nest for him when he falls asleep shopping. This leaves only the space under the basket for items, which one might think would allow somebody to make it out of Costco without spending a small fortune, but somehow I managed to spend a fortune anyway. I had to kill two hours, after all. No, I didn’t need any more Method soap, but I like it, and it comes in nicely shaped bottles. I also didn’t need the 52 pack of disposable razors that I bought, even though Mr. Gadget assured me that he was getting low. Apparently he didn’t look in his cabinet where I put the 52 pack I got him the last time they had a coupon special. No more razors for at least a year. Diapers cost a fortune, but we consider them a necessity. Wipes as well, and those new Huggies wipes with aloe vera and cucumber smell so nice. Then there were the hand made thank you note cards. 30 for $10. I couldn’t pass that up. It’s easy to spend a fortune in that store, and because I’m one of those brainwashed tried and true dedicated Costco shoppers, I don’t mind. It’s Costco.

Posted in children, health, shopping
December 27th, 2006 | 8 Comments »

I’ve been stumbling through the last few days in a fog of sorts, and I realize that the experience is most likely the manifestation of depression. Real, hardcore depression. Or maybe a form of postpartum depression The awareness leaves me a bit concerned, but I’m confident I’ll come through it without medication and therapy. I know it’s there and I know I need to work through it. Then I’ll be back to my normal ups and downs. There is deep exhaustion, first thing in the morning after a full night’s sleep, continuing on through the day. There is the weight of the facial muscles pulling my expression into a grim frown, where conscious effort is necessary to compose any other expression. There is a sort of dizziness or vertigo — a general feeling of imbalance. There is a void in my mind, where thoughts might normally be. Only quiet and darkness. And there is sorrow, welling from deep within, that washes over me every now and then, that brings forth the sobbing tears. Tears and sobs are good, because they bring release. I can feel myself getting better –a little more so with each passing day.

dizzyapron.jpgfabricdetail.jpgTwo more aprons have joined my collection (one, an artist’s smock style, which I think I like best so far, is in the wash, so no picture; the other is sort of a basic style with a huge pocket and a slightly scalloped hem), and an arsenal of pumpkin pies have made their way from my kitchen to the MIL’s for Christmas Eve dessert. I spent an entire day on those pies, cooking the pumpkin (formerly Halloween decorations, and already cooked once, then frozen for future use). I followed the America’s Test Kitchen recipe to the letter, froze then shredded the butter and cut in the flour, kneaded the dough, chilled it again, rolled it out, formed various and sundry pastry and pie shells, chilled them again, pre-baked them, cooked the spices into the filling on the stovetop, and finally loaded the warmed pie shells with the hot filling for the final bake. ATK didn’t disappoint. The resulting pies had a rich, smooth and creamy filling in a nice flaky crust. Of course, MIL, fully aware that I was bringing and preparing all the food for the family get-together, made 5 pies of her own. All told, there were nine pies at the Christmas Eve meal. Couple that with the no-shows, and there was approximately one full pie per person. At least she didn’t have a meal prepared when we got there. It’s just the kind of thing she would do. She wasn’t happy with the spiral cut ham, because the slices were too thin. She wasn’t happy with the cauliflower, because it didn’t have the family fake Hollandaise sauce that she expected. They mix mayonnaise with mustard and call it Hollandaise. I can’t bear it! At the last gathering, the green beans were criticized, so I prepared them differently this time. Some of the family members are lactose intolerant, so I used milk substitute in the mashed potatoes, and the resulting texture was far from fluffy and altogether disappointing. I made two kinds of gravy, in case people preferred one over another, and I made a special apple cider shallot sauce for the ham, which nobody tried but me (and it was delicious, I might add). I made it clear that we were NOT taking any pumpkin pies back home with us, so everybody had to take a heaping plate of leftover pie home with them. I’m developing a thick skin for dealing with the MIL. She can be abrasive and generally unkind. At least all the cooking, chaos, and general discontent kept my mind off of my broken heart, and helped me get a few steps further from my sorrow.