sueeeus

It all began when, shortly after announcing my intention to visit the land of Soup, Bec so graciously invited me to visit Sydney as well. Oh wait. Maybe I invited myself. It’s amazing how presumptuous one can become when under the influence of Zoloft, which so effectively strips away one’s social anxiety. She was most gracious, regardless of how conniving I may or may not have been!

Day 1 (Day 10 overall; Wednesday)

After a wistful adieu to Suse, and a nice short flight, I arrived at Sydney’s airport, to be met by none other than the Prof*. He is a delightful fellow indeed, and I still marvel at myself, somewhat, for being so bold as to throw myself into the arms of a family whom I’ve known only vicariously through the blogosphere. What an adventure!!

From the airport, we went to pick up the children from school. Sparkle truly does sparkle! She cupped my face in her little hands and looked into my eyes with her twinkling aquamarine eyes (eyes like the sea, after a storm**, just like her mother’s –gosh, they have the most incredible eyes) and said, “You’re pretty. You’re nice. I like you.” Now, is that not something to melt one’s heart?

Next came the Gorgeous Boy. Who truly is a gorgeous boy. So full of life and energy. So precise when speaking and sounding out his words. Off he ran to find the Pea Princess. She is a lovely girl, mature for her age, smart, kind, patient, and gentle with her younger siblings. These children certainly are a reflection of good parenting. My three year old points to something on his dinner plate and says, “What the hell is that?” How is that for contrast? (In my defense, I never seldom say WTH. Gadget, on the other hand, uses it quite readily. And yes, we have much work to do in the attitude department with ourselves and with our little guy.)

After the school pickup, we went to the park, then to the train station where Bec was waiting. In the flesh! She’s gorgeous. Big smiles, big hugs. One of the funniest things Sparkle said, about my visit, and me being president pregnant, was that I wouldn’t be able to “drink wine with Mummy.” It still makes me laugh, to think of it.

So there you have it. Family von Sparkle. They truly do sparkle. All of them. The twins are ingenious, making up games to entertain themselves. There is an oblong carpet in the living room with a dark border and a reddish interior with two or three sections of dark contrasting dots spanning the width. The twins run around the border of the carpet as fast as they can, trying not to fall in to the… ….volcano! And once in a while they detour and step very, very carefully on tiptoe, across the dots. Once in a while one will fling him or herself into the volcano and writhe about for a moment before jumping up and starting to chase the other around the perimeter again. All amidst peals of laughter. So entertaining! I loved being able to observe the family in action! And the Pea Princess reads, I suspect, nearly as much as BabelBabe, if that is at all possible. I myself can hardly comprehend it, but in the short time I was there, I know she went through at least 3 books! It dizzies my mind. How do these wonders do it? I read about as fast as I speak (which isn’t all that fast), sounding out each and every word.

Schloss von Sparkle –yes, I know I’m butchering the pseudo German, but being pseudo gives me full license to butcher at will, doesn’t it?– is gorgeous, with it’s high ceilings, crown moldings, long hallway and covered porch. I love the architectural details. And the flowers in the garden.

Day 2 (Day 11; Thursday)

Off to meet another old friend from Adelaide, who I met at a hostel while backpacking in Ireland, many years ago. She’s just had a gorgeous baby girl, now 4 months old and deliciously squeezable. She has relatives in Sydney and scheduled her visit to coincide with mine, so I could finally meet her partner and children. The elfen boy is my new best friend. He’s nearly 4, and warmed up to me quickly. He held my hand all day long, as we crossed streets, boarded the ferry, and explored the city. We had a glorious day.

An amazing didgiridoo player. Boats sailing at extreme angles! The harbor! The opera house! Manly Beach! Bondi Beach! Water, glorious water, splashing and sparkling like diamonds.

Day 3 (Day 12; Friday)

Another adventure! Off to the Blue Mountains to meet Blue Mountains Mary!!

Instant camaraderie and hours of great conversation!

Amazing scenery. I love the tiles in Mary’s bathroom. Souvenirs (and a little disturbance of national park flora***). Another incredible day.

Day 4 (Day 13; Saturday)

A quiet day, meandering through shops with the Family von Sparkle. Food is expensive! Pigs, oh my! Pea Princess, bless her loving heart, gave me a souvenir — mini Australian road signs! I love the way someone took the trouble to decorate the sidewalks. Ours (in my neck of the woods) are less than inspiring.

Later that day… …lunch with none other than Aunty Evil and My Float! Great company. Lovely women, lovely conversation (with the exception of just a teensy weensy instance of TMI, but I’ll leave that for someone else to blog about, should they ever have the inclination). Blue water, blue sky. A delightful setting with an open air view of the beach. Delicious food****. And a peek at Aunty Evil’s sleek new car! I love that new car smell.

Wouldn’t you know, in the excitement of it all, that I completely forgot to wish the Sydney bloggers all the best from the Melbourne bloggers.  (Sorry, everyone.  Please forgive!)  …And so it was another fabulous day.

Day 5 (Day 14; Sunday)

A quiet morning. It’s hard to say goodbye to Australia, and it’s been the best vacation of my life.

But anticipation builds as I look forward to seeing my own boys again. How I’ve missed them! I’ve been on the go and surrounded by warm, beautiful, and loving people throughout this entire journey, but there’s nothing like home, when it’s all said and done. How excited I am to see them once more!

*Is it just me, or is he very (young) Sean Conneryesque? And I mean that in the nicest way. Lucky Bec. What a gorgeous family, all around!

**said Buttercup of Wesley, from The Princess Bride

***Can you believe this gorgeous little scent diffuser (add a few drops of eucalyptus oil) is made from a banksia pod, similar to the strange, other-worldly rodent- with- fuzzy- tumors- looking thing in the background? Mary is just waiting to out me on this! Yes, I snagged it from a tree (stupid, obtuse, oblivious Yank, doesn’t know the difference between National Park and weeds by the wayside), and brought it home, through Customs and all. I DID itemize it on my declaration, but they only asked me if the food I had was candy, and I said yes. Because the food I had WAS candy. I didn’t lie! I didn’t bring up the fact that I had a seed pod in my backpack. They didn’t ask. I know, I know. I blame it on the Zoloft. Lack of social and cultural discretion, and all. Ahem.

****I ended up SHORT when it came time to square the bill. Mortified! Bec graciously covered me. I’m still embarrassed. Honestly.  And I never paid her back.  I feel like such a cad.

So much to say, so much to show. Where to begin?

Day 1.

Meeting a dear old friend at the airport. A drive through a new city, and out to the country. Lorakeets in the trees. Parrots. Crimson Rosella. Cockatoos (cockies). Birds, amazing birds! Birds! Everywhere! A mud brick home with a view of forever, off to the Dandenongs. A wallaby in the back yard.

Day 2.

A giant kangaroo, alone, in the back yard. The former mob leader, ousted when a younger, stronger male rose up. A day in the city. A wealth of intricate and ornate architecture. A gift for a friend. Wandering through the market. Fresh strawberries. Japanese pancake. Bulgogi and kimchee. Licorice. Gelato. Uggs.

Day 3.

A quiet day in a mud brick house. A trip to a wonderland store filled with hand dyed felts and wools. Exquisite felt toys. Winterwood. A small fortune (well) spent on wool and art. A family of excited boys, bursting with enthusiasm over the gift.

Day 4.

A walk by the river. The Yarra. An art shop. An antique shop. Souvenirs found. A small leaf tile and a felted wool and silk case from the art shop. Inspirational pottery carvings. Silver charms from the antique shop. A dove bearing good news. A cherry. Good coffee. Lattes, served in glasses. A pottery book from a charming used book shop.

Day 5.

A drive along the coast. The Great Ocean Road. Built by returning soldiers, after the war.

A beach house with a view of the ocean. Koalas clinging to branches in the manna gums*.

King parrots. Yellow tailed black cockatoos and gang-gangs. Wye River.

Day 6.

Sunrise on the ocean. The moon is upside down! The Southern Cross. Fish and chips. Barramundi.

Exploring tide pools. Amazing textures.

Walking on the beach.

Hours of conversation.

Day 7.

Another glorious sunrise. The sea sparkles like diamonds. A drive further down the coast. Apollo Bay. Then up through the rainforest. The Otway Ranges. Farmland. Trees. Old growth timbers, decimated. Back to the city.

Day 8.

A little boy sets off on a great adventure. Sailing. Away at camp for a week. Cheerful goodbyes. Another sighting of the back yard wallaby. A drive through the city. The whirlwind tour. Dinner with old friends. Lovely ladies from childhood. Names heard for over 25 years, with faces at last. Shakahara. Delicious Indian food.

Day 9.

A gathering of ladies in the city. Federation Square. Knitting. Chatting. New friends. Smiling faces. Cuddling babies. Good coffee. Lattes in glasses again. Pancakes served with ice cream. Ice Cream! Imagine it!

Back to the hills. A walk in a national park at the end of the road. The Old Glynn’s Farm at dusk. Kangaroos! Dozens of them! Too timid to allow pictures.

Belladonna growing wild in the forest.

Last minute knitting.

An exquisite gift. A hand felted wool, silk, and muslin receiving blanket. Exquisite. Peaceful thoughts. Encouraging thoughts of the baby. Hours of conversation.

Day 10.

A wistful goodbye.

Then, on to Sydney, for a new adventure!

Many more pictures here.

*Corrected, per Suse! Mannagongs. What was I thinking?!

Happiness is the joy that bursts from every pore of my being to see my own sweet superhero, groggy but smiling, all dressed up in his Spiderman outfit and strapped safely in his car seat at half past midnight.  It’s good to be home.

(It’s good to see my Gadget Man too.)

More to come…

For those who will need to recognize me at airport terminals in the very near future, I give you this. Go ahead. Click. It’s me. Larger than life.

I really wanted to wash that grey right out of my hair, but first trimester trumps vanity, so calico I remain.

But enough about me. Let’s get to the important news. Today I had my integrated screen, now called the sequential screen, and got to see my little Poppet, floating around in her* watery world. How incredible! I’ve been calmly awaiting this day for some time, but as the day drew nigh, I could feel some anxiety trying to shoulder its way in. I resisted as well as I could, and tried to maintain the most positive attitude possible**. And look! The miracle of life.

In this picture, the little wonder is waving an arm. It’s a side view of mostly head with an arm up by the left side of the face. Just like Boo, when he was in utero. It’s not much as pictures go, but the important thing, as far as I’m concerned, is that the baby is still ALIVE!!!

As far as the genetic counseling goes. Hmmm. Statistics are grim for women of my age. When I had Boo there was a triple screen, or maybe the quad screen was brand new. That gave way to the integrated screen which integrates the quad screen with a detailed ultrasound for nuchal measurements and accompanying blood test. The sequential screen takes the integrated screen and adds another detailed ultrasound for growth measurements, and maybe another blood test, and all the results are cranked through some super dee duper computer and spit out a statistic with 92% accuracy. They didn’t tell me much at this point, but I could see a squirming little peanut in there, and I could see a little heart beating, so I am relieved! And finally, the doctor did make a comment that most babies that do have Down Syndrome don’t have a bone in their nose bridge and MY baby does. So at least she gave me some encouraging news. I don’t think I much liked that office though. They were friendly enough, but intense, and not very forthcoming with information. At least not the information I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear that the baby looks healthy for this stage, or the heartbeat is right in range (I saw her mark down 140 bpm – is that good?). The dating estimated me at 12 weeks 2 days, rather than 11 weeks 1 day. But I think I’m 11 weeks 1 day. So that worries me a bit that maybe this baby is already getting too much blood sugar and growing too fatty too soon. So now I have to wait until somebody will explain the details to me.

*Yes, I say ‘her’. I just have a feeling. With nothing at all to base it upon. Time will tell and we shall see! The technician did say that it could possibly be a boy, as there was a teeny tiny nub visible, but she said it’s too soon to tell. (I still hope it’s a girl, but I will be delighted with a boy as well.)

**Case in point. This post has been floating about in my head, and I decided to preempt real time and write it before actually living it***. So how’s that for positive thinking?

***Thank GOD that the living reality panned out to the hoped for outcome!

It’s not like I’m looking forward to two weeks across the globe or anything.

Shocking pink carry on. Contents: two cell phones (international GSM and local CDMA), camera, universal power adapter, cell-hone charger, camera charger, two paperbacks, one puzzle book, handbag, wallet, passport, ball-point pens, lip balm, dental floss, eye shadow, mascara, eyeliner, eye shadow brush, camera instruction manual, phone instruction manual, SIM card instruction manual.

Black CPAP case (medical equipment doesn’t count against the carry on allowance, woot). Contents: CPAP machine, CPAP mask, prescriptions, prenatal vitamins, OTC medications, glucose meter kit.

Red carry on size suitcase, to be checked. Contents: Walking sandals, sunscreen, hair goop, toothpaste, toothbrush, body wash, deodorant, graham crackers, and sundry US items intended to be unloaded remain in Australia.

Black backpack, to be checked. Contents: six light-weight tops, five crop-length cotton pants, tankini top, board shorts, assorted thongs* smalls, cotton gauze swimsuit cover-up, nightgown, and a sun hat. Yes, I fit it all in that little black backpack (with a bit of help from some vacuum seal travel bags).

On the plane, to be worn: black cotton pants with a delightful little bit of spandexy stretch built in, compression stockings (haven’t decided whether to wear the full hose or just the knee highs, but am leaning toward the full hose), white cotton top with black dot print (yes, I’ll resemble a salt-and-pepper haired dalmatian when Suse greets me at the airport) and a pretty blue satin sash tied in the back, light-weight black sweater, black suede fleece- lined slides (the poor-woman’s Ugg, easy on, easy off), and possibly a light-weight black jacket (it IS winter here, after all).

*KIDDING!

I’ve been trying to find information on prepaid mobile phone options for my upcoming trip, and it’s just exhausting. What I’ve gleaned so far is that I need to purchase the SIM card here, not in AU. Okay, fine. So there are a slew of providers with various prices and options. I finally found a few online distributors that I thought I’d try, and it turns out they are sort of a front end for one US company, and the printed text for each front end company is just a bit different than the bottom line text that the actual provider presents. So. I ended up calling the customer sales line, and they quoted the same details as I found on the provider site. Good, at least that’s consistent. I also inquired whether they could confirm that my phone will work, and they assured me that it would. Or should. Now I’m all ready to commit to purchase, so I bid the agent adieu, and return to the web to add the SIM card to the shopping cart, only to find… …sorry, this item is temporarily unavailable… …please call our customer sales line for more info. Great. So I call back, and miraculously enough am connected with the same agent. She is pleasant and advises that yes, they are temporarily out of stock, and no, I can’t order over the phone because they are still out of stock, but please try again tomorrow, and there might be stock available. Might? So frustrating. At least I’m looking into this now, and not two weeks down the line! Of course, I could always just get a calling card once there and use the local land lines. I just thought it would be more convenient, and less of an imposition, to have my own mobile phone.

This particular mobile provider is called Optus. Dear Aussie readers and lurkers, does anybody know if Optus is a very reliable network with good coverage in the Melbourne and Sydney areas? The other main options seem to be Telstra and Telestial. Somebody advised me against one of those, but I don’t remember which.

…sometimes it feels good to feel bad…

1. low grade nausea
2. fatigue
3. aching back and hips
4. heartburn
5. aching legs
6. burning breasts
7. leg cramps

I wasn’t going to say anything. I didn’t want to jinx anything. I’ve been repeating in my mind, like a mantra, over and over and over again. Whatever will be will be. Que sera sera. I’ve been trying, with effort of valiant proportion*, not to worry. Not to obsess. And yet, I can think of almost nothing else. Whatever will be will be. I wasn’t going to say anything. I was trying to wait.

And then I realized that holding back is acknowledging the fear, and I don’t want to be afraid. I’m not broadcasting to my family or in-the-flesh friends, because I’m just not quite ready for that. But to the blog world? This is my journal where I work out the issues of my heart.**

So I say that I don’t want to be afraid, but the simple action of typing out those words has raised them to the forefront of my mind and I realize, as the tears fall from my face, that I am, indeed, terrified. If a day goes by in which I don’t notice symptoms, my heart shudders. Whatever will be will be. Consoling myself. Preparing myself.

I think that things are going better this time. I feel it. I hope so. Oh GOD, I hope so.

I think I am about six weeks along.*** My first appointment isn’t until the 28th, and the first ultrasound probably won’t happen that day, so I have to wait for what feels like an eternity to see that beautiful white heartbeat. I’m praying for that beautiful white heartbeat and the sound of galloping horses.

Lucky Number Seven. This is my seventh pregnancy. I hope it ends well, with the birth of a healthy child.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

*I have my good friend Zoloft, a very helpful friend indeed, to thank for this.

**Narcissistic? A little. Or maybe a lot. But c’mon, it helps me, and I really do cherish the kindness that droppers by share.

***Which puts me right around 12-13 weeks for my trip to Australia. I’m still going. No matter what. I bought the ticket, and it’s non-refundable. I’m going.

I distinctly remember when my own mother was 42, and how old I thought she was. She had announced her 9th pregnancy and I remember being so upset with her for being so irresponsible, bringing another child into the world and at that age. I was 17, graduating from high school and on my way to university, and was certain that I was quite adult enough to know and say these things. How awful of me, and that phrase ‘never say never’ has so many times reared its head and forced me to swallow an ounce or two of pride. Now I’m 42. I don’t feel anything like the age I projected on my mother, all those years ago.

We had a long weekend trip to Reno which turned out to be fun, apart from the cacophany of slot machines and persistent wafting cigarette smoke. There is a pretty river a few blocks from the hotel with a very nice walking path. We had all four seasons in just one weekend – sun, wind, rain, and snow. I gambled 20 cents in a penny slot machine and decided it was an entirely stupid waste of time. I am not a gambler at heart, and just. don’t. get. it. At the airport MG plugged a $5 bill into a machine for me, to increase the thrill, you know. That took all of two minutes to disappear. The wheel of fortune granted me some winnings, but quickly took them right back. The inlaws, self-labelled casino experts, explain that you don’t win big unless you play big. That’s why the front street is lined with pawn shops bursting with merchandise that people trade for that one next chance to make it big. That’s why those multi-bazillion-dollar casino monstrosities are dripping with stained glass masterpieces, fountains, and other architectural details. There are so many more losers than winners, but that bait certainly draws many. Granted, it would feel good to put down a bet and walk away with a bundle, but the flip side isn’t appealing at all. I’m a firm believer in earning. Work. Get paid. It makes sense. There’s balance. Equilibrium in the universe. The in-laws are some of those people who park themselves in front of a slot machine and push that button for hours on end. They seem to eventually ‘win’. They have these ‘comps’ — credits that accrue with each push of the button, that can be redeemed for casino amenities such as room and board. Somehow they were able to stay in a whirlpool tub suite, the kind you see in movies, and treat us to several lush meals, and walk away from the entire weekend with a net payment of less than a hundred dollars. They kept insisting ‘it’s all free’ and I just couldn’t grasp it. My mind whirls over the amount of money they had to have plugged into those machines in order to accrue that many ‘comps’. They insist that they walk away in the plus, but I just can’t quite believe it. We walked away from that weekend with a net minus of about a thousand dollars, after airfare and hotel. They shake their heads at me, because I don’t take those big risks. But I just don’t have it in me. And thank GOD, neither does MG. He did spend several hours in the casino, hanging out with his brother and sometimes playing on his brother’s card. When he came back to the hotel room, he told me he’d lost $400. I was a bit sick over that. We had a $100 mad money budget, for the whole weekend. I didn’t rail, though. We were there to visit his brother – Brother Gadget (BG). BG has recently recovered from cancer, and he’s only 44. We are all grateful that he’s alive and with us. His hair is growing back and he’s putting on a little weight, but he’s still very weak and very thin. MG was gambling on BG’s card, after losing his $100, and BG didn’t seem to mind a bit that MG had lost $300 of his. He kept saying it was just comps, and not to worry about it. On the last night MG went to spend a little more time with BG and a winning streak ensued, so MG got a little bit back and BG and wife walked away with $3000. So they were happy and I was relieved. Still. I don’t thing they fess up to how much they lost, and I don’t think they do a net tally. They just sort of ignore the losses and accentuate the wins.

Reno, the complete den of iniquity that it is, has a casino for kids. Circus Circus. That was more my speed. They have arcade booths with winnable prizes. We let Boo play some of the coin toss and ball toss games. I played a cork gun game and won him a nice stuffed animal, for only $1. We spent around $15 there, much of which was thrown promptly away, but we also won seven stuffed animals. Boo has a menagerie of fluffy stuffies to snuggle with now. I dread the day when he’s old enough to want to play at things like that on his own. I will have to instill the work ethic before that day comes.

We got home the day before my birthday, so we could rest up. It feels so. good. to. be. home. For my birthday, MG and I dropped off Boo with his babysitter, so we could go to the movies. We’ve been twice in two years. It’s just not something we can do with a toddler in tow. We saw The Last Mimsy. It was adorable. I like family films. After that we went shoe shopping. All three of us now have a pair of sandals for the warm weather days ahead. We collected Boo and went out for Chinese dinner. My Boo loves Chinese noodles, and slurps happily away.

MG presented me with a beautiful cake, and my new hard drive arrived in the mail. It’s very compact (see mouse for perspective of scale). I am pleased. It’s a NAS (Network Access Storage) – a mini-server. It has 500GB of storage and an ethernet port so I plan to offload all my photos and music to this device, to free up the memory in my computer so that hopefully it will run better. It’s supposed to work as a print server also, so perhaps we can clean up our PC and network configurations as well.

All in all, it was a very good day.

My gadget man made a pleasant announcement on Valentine’s Day. He won a cruise vacation to the Bahamas for being in the top 100 for sales, nationwide, last year. I’m so proud of him! His company is always urging their technicians to push more sales of service contracts and accessories, and he has a knack. I’ve suggested he go into sales as a profession, because he’s so good at it, but he always balks. He likes the certainty of a steady paycheck, rather than the uncertainty of a sales/commission based livelihood.  As well, he tends to think salespeople are sharks and he doesn’t want to be associated as such.  I count is as goodness, that at least in one aspect he’s concerned about personal character.  If only this could extend to one’s character when one is behind the wheel…  If only.

Alas, children are not invited on the cruise. Sigh. Much as I’ve always wanted to experience just such a cruise –especially for free!–, I can’t leave my beautiful boy for six days. The cruise is only a 4-day jaunt, but travel to and from Miami will take the better part of a day, each way, so it would essentially be a six day trip. No can do. I don’t want MG to miss out on this opportunity, though. He earned it and I want him to go, so I’ve convinced him to take his brother instead. I plan to use that weekend to visit my sister, so my sweet little toddler will get to be with me, and see his auntie. It will be a good thing.

I’m especially glad that we won’t be attempting transcontinental flight with him any time soon.  We had our first bus ride this weekend.  That is, since my little man has been cognizant of his whereabouts. He’s been on the bus before, but only as an infant, and wrapped securely to me.  He likes to watch the buses and point them out, but when it came time to climb aboard, he was terrified and flung himself on the ground to try to avoid getting on.  I had to pick him up and carry him on, while he kicked and squirmed and cried, struggling to escape.  He sobbed and sobbed for several minutes.  I felt bad for him.  He was so scared!  He was very brave on the return trip, as it was no longer an unfamiliar experience.  Even so, I shudder to think of the reaction he might have, should we attempt to board an airplane.

One Saturday morning, not too long ago, we loaded up the car at o-dark-thirty, and headed for the water. After a long drive, which was much longer than it needed to be, but that’s an entirely different story (suffice it to say that, had we filled the gas tank when Mama suggested it…   …oh, we weren’t going to talk about that now…)… …We made it to the fishing spot. It was too late to fish for salmon, but it wasn’t too late to enjoy the scenery.
There was a fabulous bridge.

The water views were stunning.

There were big mountains, not so far away.

There were many more mountains, far off in the distance.

Shhhh! Someone doesn’t have a license! (Phew, fishing is free when you’re nineteen months old, and you have friends who own a boat.)

Look! We’re catching crab!  Who knew one could catch crab with a fishing pole   It’s fun!
This boat is kind of scary.  It’s a little hard to keep balance.
Sometimes it’s better to just take a nap.

This is even better than driftwood.

Gee, Daddy’s friends have the neato toys, but I don’t know how to drive!

And this thing doesn’t have any seatbelts!