I’ve been asked to help draft my brother’s obituary. My family has a message board (we were way cool, before blogland ever was, ha ha so there, neener neener neener) that we use to keep in touch. I’m an emotional wreck, but I made a first attempt. I put it out there for the family’s scrutiny. It went something like this:
1/12/71 ‘ 10/27/05. Like a comet blazing through the night sky, P2’s life, though short, burned brightly with passion, faith, and love. He set for himself unattainable standards, which he followed with unstoppable drive and determination, fueled by his keen intellect and clever wit. P2 lived to love and be loved, and to do his very best. He gave it his all. Through the eyes of his family he was one to always share what he had, to keep the family in order; he was always de la moda, a faithful brother, a mechanic extraordinaire, smart, sharp witted, and an all around good guy. He was selfless, a loving father, and a great cook. He is survived by daughters J, K, and C, son M, granddaughter M, brothers T1, T2, P1, J1, and J2, sisters S1, S2, and C, mother P, father H, and (ex) wife L.
No posts. No replies. No comments. Nothing but Silence. I’m left hanging, with this girly emotional outpouring that I can’t take back or delete. So I make another attempt. This time more concise, matter of fact, less emotional.
1/12/71 ‘ 10/27/05
P2, born and raised in (God’s Country), was a man of passion and intellect with a great love for his family, the outdoors, food and music. P2 died unexpectedly while living in Colorado Springs. P2 was a natural leader, with a proficiency for chemistry and mechanics. He served his country as an ELT on the US Navy submarine Pintado. P2’s memory will live on in the hearts of his family and friends.
Again, nothing. Silence. Inside I am screaming. Screaming. How can I be the only one putting words out there for the family to consider, and yet they say nothing. Are they offended Do I sound like a stammering fool Have I mocked his life I didn’t mean to. Have I romaniticized his life I didn’t mean to. What have I done Why do they not say anything
I’ve never written an obit before. I’ve barely ever read one. I trolled around with the help of Google and found some examples and tidbits and ideas. The generic newspaper obit is too boring and dry. Just a resume for the dead. Name, Age, COD, Job History, Family History, blah blah blah. Too impersonal. Too many shallow angles from which to draw judgemental conclusions. And to what end What is the point of that information What good does it serve I. Don’t. Like. It. Who the hell is an obit for, anyway The general public Or people who care. I think it should be for people who care. So I tried again.
1/12/71 ‘ 10/27/05
P2, born and raised in (God’s Country), was a man of passion and intellect with a great love for his family, the outdoors, food and music.
P2 was a natural leader, with a penchant for cooking, chemistry and mechanics. He served his country during the 1990s as an ELT on the US Navy submarine Pintado.
P2 developed a lifelong friendship with his first child J, born of N and adopted to the A’s in 1986. In 1994 he married L and stepped in as a father figure to K (born 1992); C was born in 1996, followed by M in 2000. The marriage ended in divorce early in 2005.
Always an excellent cook and lover of good food, P2 had entrepreneurial dreams of becoming a restaurateur and chef. P2 had a discriminating palate and enjoyed fine wines and micro-brews, but he also kept a place for his good friends Jack and Jose.
Most recently residing in Colorado Springs, in a show of eccentricity and necessity coupled with a sense of humor and frugality, P2 announced earlier this year that his new home address was ‘The North Face of Mount Gibbler, Uncompahgre National Forest, Under the Blue Tarp Lean-To.’
Whether hunting, fishing, biking, playing golf, or snowboarding, P2 was at his best when able to enjoy the outdoors, especially in the company of his brothers, sisters, and children.
P2 always had a flair for the dramatic, and enjoyed many genres of music, from Broadway to Punk Rock. His eclectic sense of style mirrored his taste in music. He could just as easily look as though he stepped from the cover of GQ magazine, as from the pages of Rolling Stone.
P2 was deeply spiritual; a seeker of ‘Truth, with a Capital T.’ He wanted little more than to love and be loved. He set for himself unattainable standards, and he gave it his all. He fought the good fight. He finished his course.
P2 is survived by daughters J, K, and C, son M, granddaughter M, brothers T1, T2, P1, J1, and J2, sisters S1, S2, and C, mother P, and father H.
P2 wrestled with bipolar disorder. His memory will live on in the hearts of his family and friends.
A small memorial celebration will take place on November 19, 2005 in (God’s Country). For information, please call xxx-xxx-xxxx.
I await feedback from my family. I am too tired to scream anymore. I hope they will finally step in and help me.
