July 26, 2019. Miracles and magic. What a mind boggling tangle of events and circumstances and decisions that took place over a span of who knows how many years, in order for yesterday to happen. We had a fare thee well lunch get together for a coworker who is taking his family on a world-wide home-schooling cultural immersion experience for the year, which itself is a marvelous thing to do! My heart stirs with delight (or maybe jealousy) at the thought of the richness of such an experience, and all the new perspectives they will take in, that they might never know otherwise. How rich!!
It’s always nice to have a social moment with my coworkers, and it was a beautiful sunny day. We have such a crushing workload that it’s a special treat to take a break at all, let alone gather to dine in a quaint courtyard beer garden. The luncheon organizer so thoughtfully invited former coworkers to join us, for which I am so grateful. It felt like a grand reunion, seeing those shining smiling faces of people who are part of my work family. My former boss!
As we gather, in walks another familiar face, coincidentally out for lunch. Another former coworker, this one a retired senior manager. And then, not far behind him, another retired senior manager. Such commotion of greetings and what brings you heres and how have you beens. Embraces! I hugged them all, all three of my former managers. They were all sun tanned and vibrant, clearly happy in their respective retirements. These were my people, my family, from my former organization where we worked so closely for over 20 years. It was wonderfully energizing to see them. Coincidences – the two are friends and get together socially — they’re both so fit, I envision them playing raquetball or squash or tennis, then having lunch at a beer garden. Also, my new boss was there, and it was the first time he met the old boss. I whispered to my coworker nearby, meet the new boss, not the same as the old boss… …..my old boss is a saint. I miss him.
And another coworker coincidentally knew one of the senior managers through a soccer connection, years ago, when their children were young. It was quite something, the mix of old and new, and it was sort of neat to see in my periphery the India team smiling and observing our greetings. It gave them a glimpse at our history. It felt good to share a different and personal perspective with them.
Our Padawan made an appearance. He strode in, a cloud of static whirling about him, and mingled brusquely. We’ve lost him to the dark side, our young Vader. It’s a sad thing to have watched unfold, through the years. The junctures could have just as readily been convergent, as divergent. I attribute it to the blindness that ego produces. Maybe I could have affected the outcome, if I’d have been more involved in his development. I might have seen the junctures approaching and guided him gently in the direction of convergence. I’m stretched in too many directions to be able to attend to everything. We’re all adult professionals and as such are expected to be professionally cooperative. He’s alienated himself from many of us, by now. It’s a shame. He has so much energy and ability; he could be so productive, he could contribute much. He just can’t see the forest for the trees. It’s sad.
Traffic was wretched, perhaps even more than usual, but I was energized from being with my people.
I tried to connect with J on the way home, since I was going past her place, but she was on the road too. We are both pressed for time, orchestrating our every movement so that we can somehow manage to do all that we have to do for our families, our homes, and our livelihoods. Life is a scramble for us and I treasure our friendship. We’re sort of in the same boat, in many ways. Single and self reliant full time working moms. There was a construction detour and I ended up taking an alternate route that reminded me to stop by Goodwill and look for a kitten harness necessary to help keep my man child’s 6 week old kitten safe and alive during our upcoming camping trip, and lo and behold, guess what I found? Yep, new in package XXS, perfect made to order harness. Exactly what I needed, plus a short scratching post and fishnet, also exactly what I needed. All for 10 bucks shy.
The heavens poured blessings upon blessings on me. What a day! I felt so good, so energized.
The world looked different to me. I noticed it while standing in my kitchen, then wandered out to the deck and looked around, and returned indoors to gaze about some more. If I could find an analogy to describe how it looked different, the best I can do for now is a transparency slider. It was as though the slider was moved to fully visible, whereas it was formerly some percentage obscured, like through a film. Through a glass darkly. Everything seemed more solid, more clear, more real. In contrast to my ‘normal’ view where it’s like everything is behind a screen filled with a murky water-like substance, filtered.
I thought that this must be what it feels like to feel human, and to feel normal. I thought that might be what most people feel like, how they see the world. Solid, physical, real, safe. The act of just being felt effortless and sustainable. It was a good feeling.
It didn’t last long, alas, but I am glad to have experienced that glimpse, to have tasted that clarity.
