Most of the time Sometimes I feel as though my life resembles a circus performer’s spinning plates trick. Up goes a plate, then another and another. And another. And so on. The trick is to keep them spinning or they all come crashing down.
It’s all I can do to keep my life pulled together. I don’t know if it’s my age (closer to 44 than 43, oh my), the challenges posed by my nearly 4 year old, the challenges posed by my new love (3 months!), the effect of post partum hormonal changes, the effect of domperidone on the pituitary (the reason it works for milk production is the boost to prolactin, a powerful hormone), the full time job, the lack of sleep, the commitment to provide breast milk to my baby, or all of the above. I’m sure it’s all of the above, and then some. I’m tapering from the domperidone now, so hopefully in a month or so the various side effects will have departed, leaving at least one less plate spinning.
I’ve barely gotten any fresh air since LB was born. I’ve been on a walk only a couple of times. The movement I get is from laundry and housework and schlepping through stores getting groceries. I keep meaning to get outside and/or get some exercise, any exercise, but one thing gets in the way of another and the next thing I know it’s 2 a.m., I’m finally in bed, thinking back on the day and getting ready for the next (which starts at 6), telling myself that maybe I’ll do better tomorrow.
Today I did manage to turn on the Wii and play DDR, which is big, all things considered. It’s a step, and it’s in the right direction. I wore my heart monitor and confirmed that I really did get some aerobic action out of it. Now it’s just a matter of placing one foot in front of the other. It’s how I get through each day of pumping, each day of working, each day of living. One step at a time.
I need to love the moment more, though. This is the life that I wanted, and now that I have it, I need to find more ways to love each moment, rather than just get through each moment. It’s pathetic, really. I almost need to make it a mantra that I repeat constantly, all the day long, “Love the moment, love the moment.”
