First, begin the day by saying good morning and squeezing all the people you love. Get the children to jump on the sleeping man and wake him up. Take an ancient opiate pill hoarded from long past surgery to ward off the headache and also to determine if any pain killing effects remain, in preparation for future events. Fill the grownups with good strong coffee. Feed the children waffles. Ascertain that the ancient opiate pill was past its point of efficacy. Drive to the country, stomp about in mud and muck, feed the ponies and the mules from your outstretched hands. Pack the children in the mini-van and follow the biker dude as he rides his classic chopper through winding country roads. Look mom, no hands! Crazy man. Happy man. He turns heads. Arrive home, safe, sound, intact. Admire the one you love as he admires the ones he loves –Snow White and Black Beauty, the sports car and the chopper, adorning the driveway. Wash muddy clothes and shoes. Venture out to buy fishing licenses in preparation of many fun days ahead. Goodies for the children at Dairy Queen. Visit Home Depot to look at outdoor grills. Buy the super deluxe whiz bang stainless steel version. Make a big production of going to the paint section to pick up two 5-gallon paint stirring sticks to construct the paddle threatening device for misbehaving 5 year olds. Make impressive and dramatic whacking sounds in demonstration of what’s to come, should resident 5 year olds continue to behave badly. Pack everything in the mini-van –super deluxe grill, three children and two adults. Return home to briefly regroup (edited to omit any child meltdowns that might possibly have taken place). Take two of the previously determined to be ineffective opiate pills in hopes that they will work. Reload the mini-van with four adults and three children, drop the children off with their cousins, and let the grown up activities begin. Cheerfully overlook the dismay that the opiates were a waste of time.
Visit a tattoo and piercing venue and indulge in some self-mutilation. Nervous anticipation. But it didn’t hurt more than a pin prick. (Or maybe the opiates had some juice left in them after all.)
diamonds are forever
Feast on seafood. I even had a pint of beer –Guinness stout on tap. (Pictured is a flagon of Stella.)
We devoured the whole mess! And after, a round of Yukon Jack (a very sweet whiskey).
my own carnage
Collect the children. Take note of the fuchsia nail polish adorning the 5 year old boys’ fingernails. Motor back to home base, shuffle the children off to bed, and spend the next couple of hours chatting amongst the adults, drinking shots of espresso, tequila, or both. Say goodbye to friends. Collapse. Say goodnight to the one you love. Sleep.
~*~*~*~
Wake up at 3 a.m. feeling wired, guilty and remorseful for having exposed one’s system to more drugs and alcohol in one day than in the past five years combined. Load the dishwasher, to at least be a little constructive, and make mental note of gratitude at not having a spinning aching head or retching stomach, while pondering the latency of the espresso effects. Return to bed to attempt to get some rest.
aunty evil Says:
