I’ve been on vacation all week, and it’s been fantastic. I’ve shaken and sobbed for joy to see a long lost brother, and then again to see another brother’s first, last and only baby — a girl who looks so much like him that I can’t help but gaze in wonder and awe. I’ve been to two states beyond my own, driven hundreds of miles, experienced sunsets, moonrise, glorious days, wildlife, wildflowers, forests, trails, beaches, lake swimming, campfires, and a thunder storm. I drank one shot of smooth smooth whiskey and had one breath of something illegal and one breath of something legal. I’ve played softball with the kids. I’ve had endless cups of incredible coffee and tea. I’ve washed mountains of dishes and mountains of laundry. I’ve seen my children exhilarated, covered in dirt from head to toe. I’ve read a book (Little Bee, very good). I’ve napped. I’ve painted. I’ve worn shorts – the kind that show my legs. I’ve stayed up until 3 a.m. juggling conversations with a handful of men.
It’s been a very happy week!
I’m not sure about this dating business. I’m crap at it. I’m great at having conversations with people, and we have fun, but I’m at a bit of a loss when it comes to sorting out whether or not there’s a connection, how much of a connection there is, how to part kindly, and also how not to be offended if the man ambles off after making contact and saying he’d like to get to know me better. Blue collar men, white collar men, older men, younger men. I saw one man a few times over the course of a few weeks, and thought he had potential, but have since rethought that thought. He’s an executive and has his act together, but is a bit serious or maybe controlling or possibly both. I told him I wouldn’t see others while I was getting to know him, out of respect for the getting to know him phase, but I think I’ve gotten to know him enough to know there’s no long term magic. And I’m conversing with others and planning to meet one or more soon. So I’ll have to tell him. I don’t like that part. There’s another man who I conversed with a bit before I got together with Skills, and he’s resurfaced which I find interesting. It’s almost like running into an old acquaintance or a long lost friend. He’s an Irishman, and I’m a total sucker for an Irishman. I need to be a bit vigilant there!
Sigh. I’m learning that people are people, and the men seem to think there’s more of a connection than I do. How does one smile and say, “Honey, you’re a fine man, and I hope you meet a fine woman, but I don’t think we’re a good fit.” I can say that. And I can get along with almost anybody. But I don’t want to force any issues. I want it to be easy, and I want to feel magic, not just, I’m nice, you’re nice, let’s try this out.
I think that I want all or nothing. And that’s a tall order to fill. At least the all part. Nothing is easy as pie.
skills Says:
