I’ve just dropped the boys off with their dad. I crave the tidbits of kid-free time that it affords me, but as soon as we part, I fall apart. Every time. If I’m not crying on my way home, I’m crying by the time I get there.
I’m nothing, if not consistent.
~*~*~
I try to put my finger on it. I think a part of it is grief over the absence of a nuclear family. It seems like it should be so simple. Why can’t the man be the man and do his job as a man, the woman be the woman, and do her job as a woman, and the couple be a couple and do their job as a couple? It worked in Mayberry RFD. It seems like the Cleavers and the Cunninghams had it figured out, too.
Maybe it’s even more simple than that. Why can’t the grownups be grownups and do what grownups are supposed to do?
~*~*~
I put some valentine goodies together for the boys to share with the other kids, and a card and box of chocolates for them to give their dad and his wife. I wasn’t planning to do anything at all for Valentine’s Day, but it occurred to me that other kids in school will probably be exchanging valentines, and I don’t want my BB to show up empty handed and feel awkward about it. So. He will be well prepared. While perusing the options, it also occurred to me that the new kids, the step-brother and sisters, would probably be delighted to receive valentines from the boys. And of course, their dad would probably appreciate the sentiment from his boys as well.
I am a saint.
Mostly, I hope to instill thoughtfulness in my boys. I doubt they will pick up on it much now, but if I’m consistent and steady, they will hopefully –eventually– learn to think of others, and not just themselves.
~*~*~
I have to get used to the fact that our life isn’t a storybook life. It’s our own story, and we’re living it, and we’re living it fairly well. I know this. I have evidence. My boys are healthy, boisterous, imaginative, inquisitive, humorous, and playful. They laugh. They tease me, tickle me, and play tricks on me. They sleep soundly. They are happy. They know they are loved.
