I need to write a will. I’ve been meaning to for years, but I still haven’t done it. I also need to establish a trust for my kids. I want to minimize any burden my loved ones will have to endure in order to wrap up matters regarding my physical remains. In the event that I don’t get to it before my demise, let it hereby be known that these are my wishes:
- Estate. I leave everything to my children, to be divided equally between them, with my sister C’s oversight, should they not be of age.
- Body. I want to be cremated, via the budget route. Waste no money on my remains, because I am not there. It’s just a vessel and I’m done with it. Enough. I don’t want to be pumped full of nasty weird embalming fluids, and I don’t want worms and creepy crawly things creeping and crawling through my spent vessel, buried who knows where. Don’t be duped into an emotional purchase of a cheesy urn, either. Take my pulverized ashes in the generic plastic container and do with them what you will. At that point, it’s your sentimental journey with the memory of me, and I embrace whatever that journey may be. (If I’m wealthy enough or have set aside enough funds for things of this nature, I commission objects d’art be made from my pulverized remains, to be distributed as keepsakes for my loved ones.)
- Obit. Oh, it’s a stressful thing to be tasked with preparing worthwhile and substantive words when you are traumatized or in shock or barely have your wits about you. I could write my own, ready to be used in a pinch if my loved ones were in such a state. Of course they are welcome to write what they want, but I could have something ready for them, in the case that they weren’t up to it. I don’t really care if an obit is published, but maybe someone else does. If they do, go for it. It could go something like this:
Suueeeus Maximus, 28 Mar 1965 – tbd
Mother, sister, friend, working fool. She loved everyone, she loved life, she worked hard, she did her best. The end. - Funeral. I don’t want a dreary sad funeral. If my loved ones gather, let them celebrate. Let it be fun, with happy music, good food, drinks and much laughter. Sing show tunes. Laugh until your cheeks hurt. Be together in the sphere of love and rejoice in each others’ company.
- Flowers. Please don’t waste any money on those wretched stuffy and expensive flower arrangements that you see decorating caskets or propped against podiums at traditional funerals. You know the ones, with sprays of gladioli arranged in ominous fans. They mean nothing to me. Simple happy farmer’s market type flowers are okay — daffodils, lilacs, tulips, lilies. That sort of thing.
