I’m feeling troubled. It’s been a trying weekend. Friday morning two of my production sites went haywire, and it was a scramble to try and get them fixed, to no avail. Server migration and database connectivity issues. Ho hum. I have a pretty good idea of what needs to be done to repair everything, but conveying that to the help desk with the right telephone keypad menu choices is practically impossible. So much for automated system support. I kept checking status and resubmitting tickets all weekend long. Again, to no avail. Monday rolls around and I’m frantically chasing things down. One of my tickets got linked to someone else’s ticket, and ended up in a database admin’s queue, which did neither of us any good. I know there are reasons why server administration is tightly governed, but sometimes it would be so nice to be allowed some control over these things. I could have fixed my problem in 5 minutes or less, but it took 3 days.
Somewhere in the midst of all that I had the thought that I really shouldn’t let it bother me so much. The world will continue and 3 days in the scheme of things is 3 days. Nobody will remember it after everything’s up and running again.
Friday evening when everyone had gone to bed, we heard some annoying revving sounds in the distance. They went on for quite some time, so D got up to look out the window, and saw a man standing at the edge of the deck staircase on the side yard, as if he were about to come up to the house. D got up and went to investigate and I stayed put for a little while, then I called the neighbors and told them we’d seen somebody lurking. They called the sheriff. Meanwhile, I noticed that my bedroom slider was ajar. I use that door to step onto the bedroom patio when I need to use the phone, because I don’t get a signal inside the house, but it has been days since I took a call upstairs. So I’m perplexed at the door being ajar, and wondering how long it’s been that way.
So many questions. We live out in the country. We’re not walking distance from anything or anyone. There’s no reason for a pedestrian to be out and about, let alone walking in or across my property, and especially not at 9 pm in the pitch black night of winter.
D and I checked every nook and cranny of my house. He said the lights inside my car were on, in the garage. Odd. The kids tend to leave their lights on from time to time, but these were the front cabin lights, and they never touch them. Strange.
I’m left with the feeling that somebody might have been in my house or my garage or both.
It’s creepy, and very hard to even think about. The whole weekend D stuck around, and I was so glad for his presence. What if he hadn’t been there? What if that car hadn’t been making all that noise off in the distance? What if that man would have come into my house? What if he’d have come in through my bedroom slider?
I kept thinking that I don’t even have the emotional capacity to be afraid. It’s too much for me. I didn’t have any room for fear. It was an odd and interesting mental and emotional place to find myself. Later, Sunday, after D had gone home and after I put the kids to bed, I climbed into bed and thought about things and sobbed for a little while, allowing myself to consider fear. And while I was thinking about it, praying about keeping my family safe, I prayed for that guy. Bless those who curse you. I hope that whatever drove him to lurk on my property has departed and that his heart and intent from here forward will be to be good and not cause trouble for himself or anybody else.
Back to tonight. I’m exhausted after a long work day. I asked D if he wanted to Skype for a little while. We were on for only a few minutes and he said he wanted to go. I said goodbye, and felt queasy, as though my insides were churning. Minutes later he posted on FaceBook that he’s ” feeling ?? not sure what to do”.
Friday morning Gadget’s daughter gave birth to a healthy baby girl. He’s a grandpa now, and by some weird extension, I’m a sort of ex step grandma. Meanwhile some crazy person in Connecticut took the lives of so many people, so many children. I can’t even think about it, it hurts too much. And later that day, all of the above.
It’s exhausting, all of this. I’m feeling worn out on all levels.
All levels.
aunty evil Says:
