sueeeus

green is green

Sometimes I happen upon somebody’s blog or Facebook page or photo stream and catch a glimpse of a life that I (think I) long for.  Cue the music for Les Mis…    …I dreamed a dream in time gone by….  Usually, it’s a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM).  I see pictures of happy activities with children, pretty gardens, sewing and craft projects.  Happy families.  Happy lives.  I wonder how they manage.  What kind of job does the husband have?  How do they afford that lovely home?  How do the children interact harmoniously?  How do they keep the house clean, the grass trimmed, the gardens cultivated and the weeds pulled?  How do they stay so happy?

If I look at my life, maybe it’s not so different.  There are moments when the house is clean, the grass is trimmed, and the weeds are pulled.  There are moments when the children are harmonious and cooperative.  There are moments when the table is set and a lovely meal rests upon it.  There are moments when I’ve managed to do something creative with paint or fabric or whatnot.  There are moments.  Probably, if I look through my own Facebook albums, my own life will look much the same as these women I envy.  (It’s not really envy.  Just a strange sort of wistfulness.)

I like my job.  I like the sense of control that it gives me over my life.  There is no question of whether we will have a roof over our heads, food in our bellies, and clothes on our backs.  Whether the house gets tidied and cleaned, whether the grass gets mowed, whether the laundry gets washed and put away, whether crafts and art projects are started, whether books are read…   …all these things can be done.  It’s just a matter of time and energy, but mostly a matter of energy.  Mental, emotional, and physical energy.

I need a certain structure in my day.  Without it, I am prone to melancholy.  It’s probably a good thing that I have so much to do, each and every day.  Granted, early bird as I am, it would be nice not to have to arise at 4:30 a.m. and be out the door and on our way by 5:30 a.m.  I think a 6 a.m. awakening would be much nicer.  Even so, the grass may look greener in someone else’s pasture, but the grass over here is very nice, all in all.