Prompted by several factors, not the least of which was an interrogation from my sister after observing that I clasped my hands to my belly as though I were ‘holding something precious’, I opted to take a pregnancy test. Sure, I haven’t had a cycle since April. Okay. Well. That is, umm, April of 2004. Because it’s one of those quirky things about me. I’m ovulatorily challenged. Oh, I suppose the odd feelings of nausea and heartburn might have had something to do with it. The only time I’ve ever had heartburn was when I was pregnant with my Boo boy. And again, the frequent trips to the bathroom in the middle of the night might have sparked the faintest sneaking suspicion. That, and the extreme fatigue I experience daily. Plus, I’m no longer protected by any means of birth control. As of April 3rd (2006). If it were possible, it would be another almost immaculate conception. Considering schedules, bouts of sickness, and general exhaustion from keeping a 16 month old curious little boy busy and happy, there’s not a whole lot of lovin’ going on. Ahem.
So. The test. Not just any test. A Mr. Gadget approved digital test. The one that is so easy, anyone can do it. The one that is so accurate, there’s no way to honk it up. The one that says you can take it any time of day or night, not first thing in the morning, like the other sub-standard low-tech tests. The one that has a digital display that shows ‘pregnant’ or ‘not pregnant’. Because looking for two lines vs. one line is just too hard. Or something. Yeah. Well. Right. So, when I take the test, I wait the requisite 3 minutes. The display doesn’t show ‘pregnant’. Neither does it show ‘not pregnant’. No, that would be too easy. It says, ‘see pamphlet’. Great. So I look through the pamphlet and find the troubleshooting section. Yes, when you have a state of the art digital test, you need a section on troubleshooting and error codes. Let’s see, what could be wrong. Hmmm. It’s very helpful. It says, either too much or too little urine. Yes, that clears it up. I pulled the thing apart and what do you know, it’s one of those strips with one or two lines, hiding inside a fancy housing that detects (tries to detect) something, and then displays the results. Looking closely at that strip, I see the faintest faintest hint of a second line. I’ve played these games before, trying to will that second line to appear, but in general, in all my failed tests of days gone by, there wasn’t even the faintest whisper of a line, so I couldn’t even try to fool myself or get my hopes up. This time I don’t know. The two positives I’ve had in the past were both faint. Barely perceptible.
I’m not quite sure what to think. I want to have another child. Sooner than later. Especially given my fertility challenges. But the thing is, I had a mammogram on April 14th. With no lead jacket. The technician asked me if there was any chance I could be pregnant, when I inquired about the lack of lead shielding, and I said no. No! (So freshly unencumbered by b.c.) But what if I have absolutely no idea when an egg might have been making its journey. No idea at all. So I have mixed feelings. Exposure to radiation. Ibuprofen. Cough meds. Aspirin. Vitamin E. I’ve taken quite a few things that shouldn’t be taken during pregnancy. Especially early term pregnancy. I will take a follow up test in a week or so. And pray pray pray that if it really is true, that I haven’t hurt my new baby.
