sueeeus

…by idiots…

Sometimes I get that desperate caged feeling where my stomach feels like it’s risen to my throat and it’s hard to catch my breath.  It’s a reaction to frustration.  Or a manifestation thereof.  Either that, or it’s the physical realization of the mental exercise of biting my tongue and heeding my words, reigning in my thoughts so that they don’t explode with the words that I want to express.

It could be ego.  Or ruffled feelings   If I take the initiative to get something started that can potentially help quite a few people, do some extensive research and produce a fairly detailed working draft or prototype, and I coordinate with another who has a little experience in the matter, to seek his review and perspective as to whether I’ve missed anything important, should I take offense when I realize that he has scurried off to the bosses (how does one possessive-pluralize a word ending in double-s, anyway ) office to discuss his thoughts on what I’ve come up with so far   Rather than discussing matters with me   Is that not what coordination is   I am offended.  I gather that he wants to do things his way.  I wouldn’t have a problem with that if I hadn’t already invested the effort I’ve given.  I have deep objections to duplication of effort, and I don’t like to waste my time.  I don’t do my work for glory and fame.  I don’t insist that things be done my way, but if it so happens that the way I’ve proposed is logical and considerate to and for the many over the few, why not   I maintain that it’s not an ego trip, to fight for my way.  My goal is optimization. I want to find the best way.  Not for me, but for all.  For the situation.  I try to keep that in mind when I do what I do.  Whatever it is that I do.  So.  When I realize that the insufferable chatter across the cubicle wall is about me and my work, I get ruffled.  I’ve been down this road before.  I don’t have much tolerance for this weasly behind my back behavior.  No.  Instead, I put on my headphones and turn up the volume so that I can no longer hear my surroundings.  It’s so hard to interact with unreasonable people, and harder yet to muster up any sort of respect for them.  I can’t stomach the thoughts that arise, and I find myself boxed in.

Bah.