I’ve recently been thinking that I want to attempt to embrace myself for who I am, rather than chastising or loathing myself for not being a supermodel. This was before I saw myself on film, after reviewing some of the footage that the kind Mr. Gadget shot during my sister’s wedding, after which the loathing and disgust was renewed and rekindled. I’m working on suppressing it, though, and along those lines, I thought I might buy myself a trendy and fashionable outfit. So I ventured forth. To the mall.
First. Why is the mall parking lot crowded at 11 a.m. on a week day Where do these people come from Where do they get the money to shop How do they find time to go to the mall in the middle of the day These questions perplex me. Surely they didn’t all leave work early because they were on the verge of another anxiety attack and they didn’t want to be in front of people they knew when the tears started falling unexpectedly and with no explanation.
I sauntered in to Nordstrom with full confidence, looking for a specific style of Merrell shoes. They didn’t have them. I tried on a few other styles. They tried to sell me on the virtues of Dansko, but I tried some recently and didn’t like the feel. Orthopedically endorsed or not, I am much more comfortable in my Keens. If only they had some dressier styles.
Next, I wandered in to Lane Bryant, where they carry fashions for people of my stature (yet they still display them on skinny mannequins). I saw some jeans that I fancied, until I noted the price tag. A hundred bucks for a pair of jeans. Good gravy, who pays that kind of money for a pair of jeans Granted, they were fashionable, with fun stitching and decorations, but a hundred dollars And why would I want to draw attention to my already unattractive back side by advertising with a splay of rhinestones I browsed the rest of the store and noted that cargo pants are aplenty. For fifty bucks a pair. Since I recently acquired three pairs of cargo pants at Costco, for about fifty bucks TOTAL, I’m somewhat satisfied that I am possibly actually on the verge of being de la mode (and hopefully I didn’t just say I’m on the verge of being topped with a scoop of vanilla ice cream, although, that could be nice in certain situations). Ahem.
I returned home empty handed, too busily muttering to myself about how I dislike malls and retail shopping, to realize that my fuel light had come on. So I headed back out, to familiar and comfortable territory. Costco. Gas was $2.29 a gallon — the lowest it’s been in donkey’s years. For under $200 I got two footed sleeper jammies for my Boo Boy, two blankets, a set of night lights, a bottle of magnesium supplements (supposedly magnesium is beneficial in thwarting anxiety), 3 lbs of broccoli florets, a huge bag of celery hearts, 10lbs of onions, a set of stainless travel mugs, 144 diapers, a case of green beans (yes, I know, fresh is better, followed by frozen, but the Boo Boy, he loves them), a huge jug of picante sauce, and a big beautiful cook book from America’s Test Kitchen. These things are much more satisfying than 1 and 3/4 pair of fashion jeans.
Sigh. See how much I can write while I am waiting for tech support If I haven’t mentioned lately how much I despise (yet love) technology, let it be said. The problem of the moment is ‘datasource not found’. None of them. On all my sites. (My ColdFusion sites.) How annoying. I know they are there. I see them in my control panel. Somebody’s been messing with the servers or something, because they’re not seeing the databases. Grrrrrrrr. And I thought I might actually take a nap or something this afternoon. As if.
