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It’s always an adventure in itself, to drive through the International District. We passed the Lucky Dong on the way to the New Kowloon. It was hard to miss the giant neon letters, and I promise, we didn’t snicker. Okay, we did. But only a bit. We were headed to my friend’s wedding banquet. Once there, we signed our names on a beautiful red silk cloth embellished with some fabulous Chinese embroidery. I like that idea, rather than a guest book. It was quite lovely. We found seats at a table on the bride’s side. I wonder if it’s a western thing, to segregate the bride’s people from the groom’s people Although I’m half Asian, I don’t blend that well in an Asian population. In the company of my blue eyed blonde husband and son –let’s just say we stood out from the crowd.

The toddler boy was well behaved, for the most part. He would wave excitedly every time he caught glimpse of another child. He’s so friendly that way. He enjoyed using the chopsticks as drumsticks. The bride and groom were quite late arriving, so people were sitting at their tables, drinking tea, passing the time. Very little English was spoken. There were many polite nods. It was going quite peacably until a certain Star Bellied Sneetch plummeted across the table at lightning speed, knocking a glass of 7-Up in its path onto the lap of a kindly grandmotherly sort seated across from us. Some parents just don’t control their children very well. The nerve of these parents, going out in public with an uncontrolled child. Honestly, I was trying to be keenly attentive, but this boy, he is FAST! We didn’t see that one coming at all. After many apologies and an attempt to clean up the mess, the hubbub eventually settled down.

The bride arrived, resplendent in the most beautiful strapless white gown, complete with a furry white stole. So appropriate for a wintry November wedding. She was beautiful, crowned in a tiara with a short veil. So lovely, my tiny 84 lb friend. She’s a doll. Literally. I tried to get a picture, armed only with my camera phone, however, I couldn’t get it to focus in time, due to the fact that the big pink blur blocking the picture was my finger. Idiot. By the time I figured out how to turn on the camera mode, turn on the flash, realize my finger was in the way, and learn how to zoom in, the moment was over and the bride had disappeared. She soon emerged in an amazing red gown, beaded and sequined and stunning. She and her new husband moved from table to table, toasting at every table. Food began to arrive.

The first platter to arrive on each table was a huge mound of some translucent faintly yellow stringy material, surrounded by thin slices of some sort of meat composition. Interlaced with the translucent material were long shreds of daikon. Delicious. I tried the translucent stuff, and it tasted quite good. It was a bit gelatinous, and crunchy. I have no idea what it was, sea creature or sea plant, but I bravely ate a little. I cut the meat into tiny pieces and fed it to the toddler boy, who gobbled it down enthusiastically. He’s such a trooper.

Next came the soup. It was a mild soup with clear noodles and crab bits. The toddler boy had a bowl of his own and half of mine as well. He’s a soup and noodle lover, he is. The bride reappeared in a teal satin gown with a cape. Again, beautiful. I began to wonder if it is a tradition to change for every course in a wedding banquet. And we thought American weddings were expensive! Goodness. The bride moved from table to table, bestowing gifts upon her guests. She gave me a cake, explaining that it was a tradition for the bride to give her family and friends a special wedding confection. I didn’t catch the complete story, but it seemed that was the gist of it.

The crab balls arrived. Decandent is the best word to describe these delights. They were large and crispy golden brown on the outside with a crab claw sticking out as a handle. Inside was a crab batter that was more crab than batter. They were fabulous. We got two, one for the boy and one for me. He only had half of one, so I got extra. Such a treat! Next came the shrimp platters. The first was a heap of giant shrimp, fried in a very delicate tempura-like batter, mounded on a bed of shredded lettuce. Beautiful and delicious. The other was the most artfully prepared chow mein I’ve ever encoutered. It’s probably not chow mein, but it was presented in a lacy woven fried noodle basket. It was quite lovely. Inside the basket was a stir fried mixture of celery, mushrooms, chicken, and shrimp. We were getting quite full at this point, and I noticed the bride had changed again. This time she wore a deep burgundy gown. So lovely. People who are size minus two can wear such stunning things!

We thought the meal was surely coming to a close, but more food arrived. There was a dish of baby bok choy stir fried with giant shitake mushrooms, accompanied by a platter of birds. Now, these birds caused quite a stir with the grandmotherly types at our table. They looked like quartered pigeons to me, head, beak and all, and I wasn’t too keen to try them. One of the ladies insisted, and put one on my plate. She had several, and they even requested to-go boxes to take the leftovers home. They must have been a special delicacy. I bravely tried some of my unknown bird, and was glad it was only a small piece. It was liverlike in consistency. Not at all to my liking, but I was a good sport and didn’t want to insult anyone. I was glad there were mushrooms and bok choy on the table, so I could turn my attention to them.

More food appeared. Goodness gracious, how do these tiny people stay so tiny and eat so heartily So far, everyone at the table had eaten something of everything (except Mr. Gadget, who tried to stay on familiar ground as much as possible). A giant platter of chicken arrived, along with a platter of fish. Whole fish. Head, eyes, and all. It was a dramatic presentation, to say the least. Being the good sport that I am, I tried a little tiny piece, and it was mushy and very oily. Not my favorite. I enjoy fish that are firm and flaky like salmon, cod, and halibut. The chicken was good. Mr. Gadget was relieved to discover that it was real chicken, not duck or goose or pigeon or crow. We think it was chicken, anyway. After that, yes, there was more food yet to come, arrived the fried rice. Finally. Rice. It was nearly the last dish. The wedding cake, a seven tiered composition, was cut and served. It was a fluffy yellowy cake with the lightest whipped icing with chopped fresh fruit between the layers. Quite nice.

And finally. A bowl of black beans in some sort of creamy looking sauce. We declined. I’m not sure if they were a dessert, but I suspect as much. We had absolutely no room left, at that point. During the cake and bean dish, the karaoke began. What is an Asian banquet without karaoke ! The bride and groom had the first song, and then an encore. My friend was such a good sport. I simply could not have imagined her singing karaoke in a thousand years. One of the grandmothers followed and belted out a few Chinese songs. She sang quite well. Nobody else had the courage to go forward, which might have had something to do with the full bottles of wine at each table, as wine glasses had not been provided.

The evening came to a close, and the guests began to leave. We thanked the bride and groom for the banquet and headed home. As we drove past the Lucky Dong, we didn’t snicker. Okay, we did, just a bit.