sueeeus

I recently underwent a 9-day colon cleanse in which 5 days were spent fasting, with apple juice only to wash down the psyllium/bentonite combo formula. I’ve suckered myself into this very same thing, ten or fifteen years ago. Why, oh why, would anybody intentionally ingest clay I learned some interesting things, though.

1. I learned that I am addicted to food the way a junkie is addicted to drugs. At night, sitting on the couch next to my honey, I was fidgety and practically had to sit on my hands while I tried to keep the thoughts and desires for food at bay.
2. The things you read about on the internet, namely regarding disgusting pictures of colon cleanse results, are actually achievable with the 5-day BH fast (linked above).  Eeeeeeewwwwww.  (It hasn’t made me a believer, though.  I’m still a skeptic in that those pics might just be what one would expect bentonite and psyllium to look like on its way out, so it’s not necessarily any great achievement of internal cleansing after all.  Just normal what goes in must come out, because, after all, what goes in must come out, eventually.  And don’t even get me started on the cost of these cleansing programs.  S.U.C.K.E.R.  Yes, I parted with $100 to do this, in the name of science, health, and self-experimentation.  Need I repeat   S.U.C.K.E.R.)
3. Weight loss from 9 days with nearly no food is dramatic, to the tune of nearly 11 lbs.
4. Weight gain after resuming normal and reasonable food intake is equally as dramatic, thus, there is very little actual weight loss from such a severe, and thankfully temporary, regime.
5. I was very pleased with myself, post cleanse and pre resumed stable weight, for having succeeded in going without food for five full days, and for losing a substantial amount of weight.
6. I was very disappointed in myself for gaining any weight back.
7. I am an emotional eater. My emotions drive an intense urge for certain foods.
8. I am a recreational eater. This goes along with being an emotional eater. In a certain environment, such as relaxing on the couch to watch some TV at the end of a stressful day, I have an almost uncontrollable desire for hand-to-mouth exercise, with said hand full of something crunchy or savory.
9. Hunger has very little to do with any of this.
10. One bite of a particular food can awaken the beast. For instance, a Ritz cracker seems harmless enough. Allow one to pass the lips, and very shortly after there is an incredible desire for another. Once the simple processed flour product has begun its evil works, the desire expands itself quickly to other simple carbohydrates. One cracker is not enough. There must be toast. Or cookies. Or more crackers. Or popcorn. Or potato chips. Or whatever there might be available in the house. Or all of these. The beast is awakened and a frenzy can ensue. It takes extreme restraint to tame this beast and wait out the cravings until they subside.
11. I find this very distressing. I love good nutritious food. I eat loads of vegetables. I love whole foods. I love healthy foods. I wish that I could eat something as seemingly benign as a cracker without awakening the beast, because I really don’t want to eat a whole box of crackers. I just want to enjoy a couple. But I can’t. I can’t. Well, I can, but the restraint required is extreme. I wish that I could enjoy a reasonable amount without having to exercise restraint. I wish it were natural and automatic.
12. I don’t like being a food addict.
13. I don’t particularly want to completely remove certain foods from my life, which is what seems necessary in order to overcome, or rather, avoid spiralling into the abyss.
14. It appears that I have reached an impasse.