sueeeus

The first cycle.

Previous cycle lengths with cc on cd 3-7: 31, 31, 33, 30

Morning bbt difficult due to frequent waking for diaper changes and interference from cpap.

Important Dates: Jan 29 – Feb 7. Norethindrone 5mg.

Cycle Days and Symptoms:

1. Feb 11. Clomiphene Citrate 50mg (cc50); normal flow
2. Feb 12. cc50; normal flow
3. Feb 13. cc50; normal-light flow
4. Feb 14. cc50; no flow
5. Feb 15. cc50
6. Feb 16.
7. Feb 17.
8. Feb 18. guaifenesin 400mg (g), baby aspirin (a), bd
9. Feb 19. 98.4. g,a
10. Feb 20. 97.2. g,a,bd
11. Feb 21. 97.8. g,a
12. Feb 22. 98.3. g,a,bd
13. Feb 23. 98.3. g,a, nauseous headache, constipated
14. Feb 24. 98.3. g,a,bd
15. Feb 25. 98.4. g,a, nauseous headache, constipated, sore neck, low back pain
16. Feb 26. 98.1. g,a, bd, nauseous, post nasal drip, constipated, water retention. 7:30 p.m. pinch sensation in area of left ovary, low back pain, stretchy but minimal cm
17. Feb 27. 98.1. g,a, stiff neck, nausea, low back pain, styes on eyelid. Possible ecwm but dh not interested in bd.
18. Feb 28. 98.1. g,a, bd, sore gums, canker sores, sty is worse, eyelid swollen, upset stomach. Appx 5 p.m. pinch in right ovary area. Possible ecwm but v light.
19. Mar 01. 98.1. a, same symptoms as yesterday except no ovary sensation. Hand numbness in evening.
20. Mar 02. 98.3. a, bd, small pinch sensation right front uterus area appx 10:30 a.m. Possible implantation Such a dreamer. Mild cramping 1:10 p.m. Bowel or uterine Sudden depression and anxiety. Possible ecwm but not sure. Maybe a bit thick.
21. Mar 03. 98.3. a
22. Mar 04. 98.1. a, bd
23. Mar 05. 98.4. a, slight burning sensation in top part of breasts. Soreness/ache in hip joints. Very slight cramping. Low back pain.
24. Mar 06. 97.9. a, slight morning nausea, somewhat constipated. Hungry. hpt bfn, but tricked myself into imagining a faint line. still bfn though. Temp 97.9, down a bit, which makes me crabby, thinking that I must not have made it this time. But it’s still early. No idea when/if I ovulated, so who knows. Very emotional and moody. Irritable. Nipples sting. Too crabby, tired, and NOT IN THE MOOD for bd. V irritable.
25. Mar 07. 98.3. a, bd, environment seems more moist but no ew. Stinging nipples, burning top area of breasts. Spring allergies set in with itchy eyes, etc.
26. Mar 08. 98.4. a, slight nausea feelings, but I suspect they are all in my head. Burning/stinging still.
27. Mar 09. 98.1. a, woke up 5 a.m. hungry, burning stinging breasts. hpt bfn but trying to convince myself I see a line, however faint. v v v faint. Probably evap. New stye or infection starting near tear duct on right eye. DN baby at 18 wks diagnosed with hydrocephalis. Heartbreaking and terrifying. Makes me reconsider why I want to ttc at this late age. Depressed and despondent over these things.
28. Mar 10. 98.4. a, tender nipples, no flow yet. Still irritable. Sensitive to loud voices – husband on the phone BOOMING in my ears, driving me nuts. Nausea during late morning drive to in-laws. Probably imagined.
29. Mar 11. 98.1. a, generally no symptoms. Tired. Irritable. hpt bfn. Despondent due to bfn – trying to convince myself the evap line is a real line. Wondering why no sign of period, if that’s going to be the outcome.
30. Mar 12. 98.4. a, pain on left breast close to under arm side. Can’t feel a lump. Pain in hips – sort of a ligament feeling Allergies have been acting up for days now, so my eyes are miserable scratchy and sore. Mild morning nausea, psychosomatic most likely. Getting v irritated with self… NO MORE hpts (trying not to take any more, anyway).
31. Mar 13. 98.4. a, ice nipples.  This is getting OLD.  Hungry at 3:30 a.m. Low grade nausea continues, as does low back and hip aches.  Breasts stinging sore on tops with more localized sore spots on the outer/arm sides.  Keep feeling as though I’m leaking and rush to the bathroom, convinced I’ll find blood, but nothing.  Creamy discharge, I guess.  Crying with very little provocation — song lyrics or melody, or just a thought.  Have convinced myself that I must be pregnant because I never, ever, EVER have these feelings and sensations, for goodness sake.  Annoyed that the hpt won’t confirm, plus a bit terrified that I’m actually not.  I’m just plain insane, at this point.  Maybe I’ll test tomorrow, even though I swore I wouldn’t.  Slight frontal headache.  Sinus/allergy or menstrual   Who knows at this point.  Such a danged flip flop of rationality and optimism vs. despondency and doubt.  Have probably gained ten pounds in the last two weeks, but am afraid to look.
32. Mar 14. 98.4. a, hpt bfn.  DAMMIT.  Can’t even fool myself with an evap line. Weepy.  Anxious.  Worried about family.
33. Mar 15. 98.4. a, low appetite.  DS sick with vomit/diarrhea, kept me up all night.  Suspicious that all this lgn has been merely a bug that is now manifest in DS.  Wondering when to call doc to advise results of this bogus cycle.  It appears there was no ovulation, and no menses in sight.  May need another round of p and then cc.  Trying not to be disgusted with it all.  Happy news – sister at 21 weeks aok with flying colors.  Big sigh of relief.  I would have been 22 or 23 wks by now, had that worked out.  Sigh.  I was just going to keep this clinical, but who am I kidding.  I’m an emotional mess.  I keep crying for nearly no reason, other than wondering what is wrong with me.  All reason suggests there should be something by now.  If not a positive, then a period.  If I hadn’t taken the cc, then it would be way too early for me to be psychotic about things yet, only being CD33 and all.  I tend to be a 42ish cycle, if I have one at all.  But I DID take the cc, so something should be happening, one way or another.  I’ve exhausted myself going through ttc message threads, and have nothing to show but exasperation.  All my ridiculous hopeful notions early on that I might have ovulated, or even popped two eggs, based on those pinching sensations.  Silly notions of a possible multiple and then all those ridiculous symptoms and the wait.  Well, the window must surely be over.  I’ve had no interest whatsoever in bd for days.  My temps remain high.  Despair is such a crippling emotion.
34. Mar 16. 98.1. Tired of all this logging and charting.  What’s the point.  Feel relatively normal today, but tired, likely due to caring for sick child.  Now husband has the same thing – must be stomach flu.  He’s not taking it as well as the child, but that’s not much of a surprise.  Thank goodness the child is getting better.  Hardly any food in two days, but I’ve tried to keep him hydrated.  He’s empty, poor thing.  What comes out is still like water, so the bug is still working its way through.  He has much more energy though.  Husband, on the other hand, is now exploding with much ado.  God forbid I get this.  I am not one who can handle spewing very well.  And then it will serve me right, making wry comments about MG!  It was a beautiful day today, but who could enjoy it, with a house full of sick people.  I vetoed MG’s desire to sit in the hot tub.  The last thing we need is festering bacteria there.  Not that I plan to set foot out there.  I have a thing about hot tubs.  Bleccccchhhhh.  But that hot water and those strong jets are wonderful.  If only the water could be fresh.  Sigh.  Decided against taking the aspirin regimen today.  Again, what’s the point.  It was to help with implantation, and that window is over.
    …10 p.m. update…  Spotting.  HELL.  Well, actually, I guess I’m relieved.  At least now I know and I won’t be as psychotic over what in the heck my body is or isn’t doing.  Now the dilemma is what to do with the next cycle.  Since it’s Friday, I won’t be able to call for a prescription refill of cc until Monday at the earliest.  Why didn’t the doc write the rx to allow refills   Monday will be day 3 or 4, depending on whether I count today as 1 or tomorrow as 1.  I mean, if I’d just gone to bed I wouldn’t have known until tomorrow anyway.  I did get pregnant on cc once before, taken on cd3-7.  This time doc put me on cd1-5, so I’ll be too late for that.  I do have an old prescription that I didn’t need once I discovered I was pregnant with my Boo.  He’s two so that rx is nearly 3.  Probably not a good idea to take old hormones.  Maybe I should just chart and see what nature does.  Damnitallanyway.  Listen to me.  Mercy.  I guess I’ll call the doc on Monday.