Me, to MG: I used to be fun.
MG, eyebrow raised, no effort to conceal incredulity: When
Me, after a long and thoughtful pause: In my twenties.
There are times when I lament losing track of the person I was when it seemed that I had it all together, but I must remind myself that
1) It is only an illusion — my life has been in many ways like a broken record in which I repeat or revisit the same tune, over and over and over again — and when I wistfully recall a smiling exhuberant bright eyed youth, I must not overlook the fact that that same smiling girl had many a cloudy day in which she felt unloved, unwanted, unaccomplished.
-and-
2) I have never had it all together. I just didn’t have as many or the same responsibilities, so the load was (perhaps) less heavy and certainly different.
Sometimes I get caught up in regrets over the possibilities of what could have been had I only made better or different choices with my words and actions. Assuming that the outcomes would have been better, I am convicted after losing an unwinnable trial within the confines of my mind, and thus saddle myself with a life-sentence of guilt and remorse. All this over the what ifs of life and living.
How easy it is to forget that there is no changing the past; there is only learning. And these experiences bind together to form the fabric of our lives. They add color and texture. The trials and tribulations make us strong.
How important it is to remember that what we have is the now. How we live in the now will affect the memories and reflections that we will have in the future. If we want to paint the fabric of our lives in different hues, then we must get down to the business of living, and paint the now in the vibrant colors of which we yearn.
This is the only moment we have, this moment right now. This is the moment we must savour. This is the time to love. This is the time to rejoice. This is the time to breathe, deeply. This is the time to turn our faces to the sky and smile.
I’ll sing my song to the wide open spaces
I’ll sing my heart out to the infinite sea
I’ll sing my visions to the sky high mountains
I’ll sing my song to the free, to the free
Searchin’ for a note, pure and easy
Playing so free, like a breath rippling by
