(s) for the Aussies… I’m so thoughtful. 🙂
There are times when I’m nearly overcome with anxiety. Like now. I know that the root cause is the hormonal change du jour, but that doesn’t help me abate it. It just helps me understand why it’s there. Here. Now. I would sit on my hands, but I need them to type.
My thoughts whir about in a general cloud because there are so many irons in the fire, spinning plates, loose threads, or whatever you want to call it. “Too many notes,” as the emperor said to Mozart. It helps to write lists. Things to Do. I have a collection of journals, books, notebooks, pads, and papers, all for this express purpose. Lists are a very good coping mechanism. Less intrusive than meds.
Amongst the tornado of thoughts, occasional fragments come into focus.
Making a living in rural America. (How does one do it )
Bora Bora. Now that would be a fabulous getaway, wouldn’t it
Low maintenance landscaping. Artificial turf.
Garden cage (to keep the wild animals out, in wild America).
Sustainable living (in rural America). Passive heating, cooling and power.
Stable broadband internet (in rural America).
Family vacations to interesting places. Other continents. Tropics.
Social connections. Yearning for a sense of community.
Education (saving now for the future).
Work (in suburban/urban America) here, now, due today, due soon.
After capturing some of these, it is apparent there is only one theme. I want to move to rural America, build my dream home, earn a living, live comfortably, raise my family, take occasional vacations, prepare for my child’s future, and belong to the community (i.e., have friends and a social life). All of these things are possible. They just need patience, planning, and execution.
I can design and build my dream home with sufficient planning and juggling of assets. If I can guarantee stable internet connectivity, I can very likely keep my current job (given I provide a stellar sales pitch and justification portfolio). If I can keep my job with its decent wage (and excellent medical coverage), I would have the means to save for family vacations the caliber of the fragmented thoughts flitting about my imagination.
All within the realm of possibility. Just a matter of laying it out, putting a plan in place, and taking action on the plan.
Drawbacks. Working remotely makes it easy for the home base to forget you. Out of sight, out of mind. Salary growth would likely diminish or cease altogether. If cutbacks are edicted, layoff could loom ominously. If the job disappeared, how would we make a living How would we adjust to the long winters What would MG do for income
The easy road would be to relinquish, or postpone the dream until retirement (13 years at best). But I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to wait to live my dream life. I want to live it now. I could walk away from this job altogether, but then the grim reality of making a living by other means would likely open new anxieties. More work for less money. Less time off. Less freedom. Or more freedom, but less money. Much less money.
Maybe the anxiety is from not knowing what to do. I know what I want. I know I can get there. It’s just not clear which path to take. It doesn’t help that MG isn’t particularly thrilled about relocating to rural America. I’ve planted the seeds, though, and have been (and will be) gently tending them for years.
It can all boil down to some equations. No need to be confused or anxious.
x=what I want
y=cost of x
z=factors affecting x, y, t
t=time to accomplish y
life=f(x1,y1,z1, t1….xa, ya, za, ta…xz, yz, zz, tz)
