(as Austin Powers would say)
I spent a s t a g g e r i n g amount of money this week, but I feel very good about it. (Most of it, anyway.)
The state has a fantastic guaranteed tuition program so I can now proudly say that my son’s univeristy tuition is paid in full, guaranteed for when he’s ready to go (as long as he goes to a public university). I bought the maximum, which translates to five years. I had previously let it be known that I would expect my children to pay for their own education, like I had to (the reasoning behind that stance being that the education might be more fully appreciated and taken seriously). I don’t know whether I will let him know I’ve done this, when he’s older. I’d rather encourage him to do his best and seek scholarships, grants, internships and such. I don’t want him to grow up assuming that life is a free ride. I want him to learn a good work ethic. I want him to be responsible. I want him to be able to go confidently out into the world, when it’s his time. I don’t want him to be lazy.
I also paid the property taxes for the year. That’s not such a happy outward flow of cash, but there’s no getting around it, and at least a little of it does go towards good things like the public schools.
Recent family crises added to the net (and I’m so thankful that I am able to help out a bit).
…and… ….shhhhh…. …don’t tell Mr. Gadget, but I ordered the Nikon D40. What the heck, say I… It’s a barely discernible drop in the bucket of freeflowing cash this week. Barely discernible! What better time than now
Actually, so far I’ve only told him about the tuition and the tax. Not the family crises and the camera. He won’t mind, though. He might be a wee bit jealous, but he did get a new camera himself this week (which he got to get from the community fund). And I’ve forked out quite a LOT of money to help out his side of the family when in crisis, so he has no room to grumble, should he decide to comment.
I don’t know how other families keep financial peace. I know that financial matters are the root of many a marital woe. And we have had more woe than I care to express or continue. So. We have come to an understanding. Our accounts are separate, like single people. I manage the family budget. We contribute to the common fund by percentage of earnings rather than dollar amount so we feel equal relative pain, and if we have anything left over after our family commitments, then it’s ours to do with as we please. It’s an average budget, though. It doesn’t include expenses out of the ordinary routine. And really, we should establish a savings plan, for future and for retirement. It’s one step at a time for my dear MG though. He balks at anything that will reduce his current potential spending money.
Mr. Gadget’s wants seem to exceed his means, and mine generally don’t. (Means being what’s left over after family commitments.) Somehow I end up feeling guilty if I ever covet something expensive. (I attribute it to my upbringing, which has both pros and cons.) The tuition, family donations, and camera came from my personal funds, and somehow I feel a bit guilty about the camera, even though I shouldn’t. I guess a part of me worries that MG will think that if I got to spend X then he should get to spend X. Math is not his strongsuit.
I wonder if we’d view things differently had we married younger, or had he not been married previously. If I had married younger, I probably would be gung ho for a fully joint account, in which we would have to agree to certain expenses as a team, and we’d have to be responsibly accountable to each other for all of our expenditures.
Having been single and established, way into my thirties, it’s been quite difficult to fully adjust to the sharedness of marriage. Having been previously married, MG’s child support payments come from his personal account, which substantially diminishes his available mad-money. This is why he feels strained and why it’s easy for his wants to exceed his means. Maybe I’m a bit hard-nosed, but support for his other child is his responsibility, not mine. And support for our child is our responsibility together. That’s how I see it, anyway. If his daughter were to come live with us, of course we’d both support her, but he has no custody, and none forseeable.
I need to find a way not to end up feeling guilty. I’ve worked very hard (I’ve worked for one company for almost 21 years) and made many financial sacrfices along the way so that I would be better set in the future. The future is now, and it should be okay for me to have a Nikon camera, guilt-free!
