sueeeus

I’m wondering about whether I should taper off the Zoloft, or keep on it. I’ve read a gazillion different internet articles, medical based and personal blog based, about Zoloft and pregnancy. My doctor said it’s okay to stay on it, and in fact I might find that later on I may even need to increase the dose. I don’t want to increase! It’s been a tough decision to even go on it, so increasing is, to me, a step in the wrong direction. However, I read a post that Dooce made about going off Zoloft and how it was the worst thing she could have ever done to herself. I’ve also read that the baby can have withdrawal symptoms the first few days after birth, since they no longer will be getting the Zoloft in their system. And if that is true, then obviously the baby is getting the Zoloft now too, and that kind of bothers me, thinking that I’m already messing with the seratonin reception and/or production in an assumably perfect human being. And I also read that continuing the Zoloft could be the ‘lesser of two evils’ since the effect on the mother after stopping it could be much more disastrous than the withdrawal experienced by the child. Nice. Now, I don’t consider myself a super hard case, in that I’ve lived until now (for the last decade, at least) with a basic level of anxiety and depression and just assumed that that was how I was, that that was ‘me’. It wasn’t in any way unbearable, but I do actually like the more stable way I feel now. I’m a much nicer person to my husband (of course he’s always the one to get the full brunt of my moods!) Anyhow, because I’m not, or wasn’t, a complete basket case (well, that’s debatable…) without the Zoloft, I wonder if I ought to try to gradually taper off. Of course I will talk to my doctors about it before I try anything.

I’ve just about convinced myself that I will gradually taper off, but I’m torn, so torn, over it all. What to do, what to do.

And then I go and read some of the comments on the Dooce post, and wonder if perhaps I shouldn’t consider tapering off after all.  All those comments about how ludicrous it would be not to treat diabetes or cancer if one were diagnosed with those things, so why is there such stigma to treating depression and anxiety.  I accept (for the most part) my diabetes and take my Metformin faithfully, as well as watch what I eat (for the most part) and measure my blood sugar regularly, so why would I waffle as to whether I should continue with the Zoloft?  I guess it’s a question as to whether depression and anxiety are truly a ‘disease’, or whether one can just decide or will oneself out of either or both conditions.  I like to think that I can will myself into happiness and emotional stability.  Isn’t it all a frame of mind anyway?  But if I can, then why haven’t I?  And, I see little point to trying ‘natural alternatives’.  Just because an herbal or natural supplement is natural, doesn’t mean it’s not chemical, so what difference does it make whether I self treat with natural remedies or use a controlled prescription?  Both are affecting the brain via chemical interactions.   And Zoloft is a heck of a lot cheaper than SAM-e or 5-HTP ($12 for 90 days)!

Oh, I think too much!  Way.Too.Much.  And I still don’t know what to do.