I don’t really understand the social security system, and I have mixed feelings about what little I see, in my ignorance. Gadget has a brother in his 50s who’s been collecting social security income for his entire life, because he’s disabled. I don’t really understand his disability. He’s not got Down’s Syndrome, but I guess he’s what one calls ‘retarded’. Or something. The man can read and write. He hasn’t got the most common sense in the world, and he has a snarly attitude, but it seems to me like he could work and do something somewhat productive with his life, rather than sit around with a snarly attitude, watching TV, collecting SSI and food stamps. It seems like he could work, but he won’t work, because it’s too hard to overcome the snarly attitude and actually do something productive and giving in life. I’m bitter. I know. And I obviously don’t understand disability. If I did, I might be much more gracious in attitude. But I don’t understand it. I understand hardship and making choices and sacrifices to get through and overcome hardships. I understand physical disabilities, and some mental disabilities, but there’s this big gray area that I can’t comprehend. And it’s not like I don’t try. (But it’s entirely possible that I don’t try hard enough, because when I think about it, I get too frustrated, and I find myself at an impasse, time and again.)
Gadget’s stepson is another case. He had leukemia when he was two. It was a tragedy, for certain, and the treatment took its toll on his body, as it does. He’s stunted in stature – he’s maybe 5’2″ or so, and he takes human growth hormone for something – maybe his pituitary is shot. I don’t know. But a shot pituitary isn’t a disability. Someone very dear to me has a shot pituitary with a slew of other physical challenges, and she has an amazing, full life, and the last thing she’d ever consider herself is disabled. She’s worked hard her entire life, and is very successful, full, and happy. And she’s never collected a penny of assistance. Back to the stepson. He’s drawn SSI for his entire life, as he’s considered disabled. And I don’t know what it is that constitutes the disability. He’s 19, and has never had a recurrence. I think one is pronounced healed after ten years of remission. So what gives? He prides himself on his physical abilities when it comes to manly things like weight lifting, but good Lord, the level of grumbling when that strength is called into action for any sort of manual labor. He’s been here for a little over a month, and filled my home with his sour and snarly attitude. He’s big on talk, saying he’ll never put up with lame manual work and such, and that he’ll have nice things, but he doesn’t grasp that with such an attitude he may find it difficult to find, let alone hold, any sort of job. And it makes me wonder if he’ll somehow be one of those people who can somehow hold onto his disability claim, and skirt through life with the government (which means the tax payer, which means ME) paying his way. I’m very bitter, I know. I don’t want to pay his way. I want him to step up, grow up, change his attitude, and make a contribution to the planet.
Gadget is frustrated and disappointed and even embarrassed by these kids, because they have no incentive to be constructive in life, and they have no ambition. Of course many teenagers are self-centered in general. It’s part of being a teen. We’re all idiots who don’t know anything, as far as they’re concerned. They’ve lived their entire lives collecting money without having to work for it. (At least they’re not drug addicts or criminals, though.) They’ve lived, albeit meagerly, on child support from two separate fathers, SSI, and food stamps. Something for nothing. No actual work. They have no work ethic, no desire to rise above their circumstances, no reason to think there’s anything wrong with getting assistance.
Now, I’m all for assisting those truly in need. I’m just so very much against free-loading and laziness. And snarly attitudes. And all I see is free-loading and laziness. And snarly attitudes. So I’m bitter. And worn out. And ready for them to go home.
Gadget’s not entirely happy with me. It bothers him that I clearly don’t like his stepson. But what can I do? I should be like Jesus and just turn the other cheek and love unconditionally. But instead I feel like throwing a tirade and toppling the tables in the temple, shouting something about dens of thieves.
One more day. I was considering staying home Tuesday, so I could go to the airport with them, but now I’m hoping wondering if I have meetings (surely I do) that can’t be missed, so I can just get up, go to work as usual, and come home to an empty and glorious home.
I’m hoping the bitterness wanes quickly. It’s not good for me, or anyone.
And then I have to begin the damage control, and reprogram BB’s attitude and vocabulary. I may remain bitter for a while. And I’m never inviting that person back.
