In the interest of documentation, I’m just going to make a stupid post about repeat behavior. So, it’s Gadget’s weekend again, coming up. I started the coordination process on Monday. Yes he wants to see the kids, no he won’t or can’t come get them. Sure, I can drop them off at his house.
One of my friends speculates that he does this purposefully to try to force me to use some of the pittance of child support that he pays me, so that he gets something for it. I wouldn’t be surprised. He lives about an hour from me. What does that end up costing in gas, to and from? I think about 5 gallons, so 10 gallons after the pickup. That’s about $30 every two weeks. Not to mention the 4 hours total drive time, there and back and once again.
Mostly, I think he just wants to make my life difficult. Not let me make any plans.
It’s so ridiculous. I’m still going to ride the high road. Yes, it looks like I’m letting him walk all over me, and yes, it gets wearisome. But I’m not interested in blowing up in front of my kids, and I am interested in them having a positive relationship with their dad. I’m not interested in playing any games or trying to make him hurt. I’m not interested in reducing myself to his level.
So.
Every day I thank God that I am not married to him. If I ever marry again, or even have any kind of a relationship, I don’t want a black hole that sucks the life force out of me, not making enough or any effort to replenish or nourish or build me or us up.
I don’t even want to begin thinking about the message he sends his kids when he marries another woman who has four young kids, and he spends all his time with them. Of course those children need and deserve much love and attention, but does he not see that his kids might feel as though he doesn’t love them enough or as much, or worse, that it’s their fault, or that they’re not as good as the other kids? God forbid, and I so want to shield them from that perception.
I wish he would grow up and start paying attention to the bigger picture.
