When I retreat to find that place of healing, I think it’s my version of prayer. I described it, in part, before.
There’s another version in which I’m not in the physical plane at all, so there’s no figure, no spinning, no tornado. My non-physical self finds the heart-spark and I visualize breathing on it, deeply and gently, carefully coaxing the ember to emerge and grow. I breathe my emotions out, feeding the glowing white ember, and it becomes stronger and stronger and warms me and nourishes me at the same time. There’s a flow happening, kind of like a toroidal Fibonacci thing, and I suppose that figuratively my heart is at the center, and there comes a point where the center opens up (sort of like the way the jaws on a chuck open to release a drill bit), and the flow becomes more like a fire hose, bright white light, sort of like that scene from the 5th Element, where she completes the circuit. Then I am breathing long deep steady breaths, and it’s as though I’m a vacuum cleaner, this firehose stream of bright light, pulling people’s struggles out and away from them. It’s sort of like lucid dreaming, in which my physical body is doing one thing — the breathing — and some part of my mental self is monitoring the whole scene; it knows that my soul self has gone out to take care of a few things… My spirit (?) then scans for anguish and sends tendrils out from the main stream to reach out and connect to those pains so that they can flow out from where they are causing suffering. In those moments, it seems as though I’m channeling, that I am in the spirit, and that I draw those sufferings away from these people who are crying out in their innermost hearts, and those sufferings are drawn into the stream where they dissolve and become shiny new energy, ready to launch new dreams. All the while, tears flow, and I feel as though I am healing (because my own emotions are flowing out and away from me), and that I am helping others to heal as well.
Sometimes I wonder if this is my calling, the thing that I’m supposed to be doing. Maybe I’m a healer. Nobody needs to know that I even exist, for me to do this work.
There is another version of healing trance that I can describe. It’s like the first one, in which I visualize myself spinning, arms spread, spinning around and around, sending waves of light, love, comfort, and harmony out from my extended hands, weaving a tornado of protection around me. I stand in the center of stillness and catch my breath and gather my strength. When I am filled with strength, I envision myself, sort of like an Olympic figure skater, spinning so fast and then pulling the body in tighter and tighter, spinning faster and faster, tighter, so tight, all that spinning energy gathering speed deep and close in. Spinning faster, faster, tighter, smaller, more and more concentrated, a cyclone, like nuclear fusion, faster, tighter, smaller, until it’s almost infinite energy bound in an infinitesimal point… ….and then POW! It’s a pulse explosion, and I send a blast across the cosmos and it surges over and through everything in its path as it radiates and washes a blast of healing energy out through the dimensions, cosmos, layers. It sounds megalomaniacal, now that I describe it.
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Those have been the forms my prayers have taken, for some years. I have two new forms that have emerged since Tuesday last.
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It’s like the others, in getting the ember going, and the tendrils of light are like threads, and I begin a looping crochet stitch, weaving a chain mesh until I’ve completed a circle and then begin the next circle, interweaving each new loop, and the chain begins to take form and grow strong, and then new weavers come, all of those who are pouring out their love right now, their spirits find this thread and they all begin to weave their light threads into a web of healing light, a fortress of love pouring into my brother, seeping into all the areas where strength and healing are needed. All of the looping and interweaving continues, building a glistening, radiant cocoon, while concurrently, the beloveds are all joined arm in arm like a ring of children, dancing in a circle, singing a loving song, spinning an outer shield of pure white light up and around the weavers, around the cocoon. We are all in the spirit, channeling our love together, nourishing him, nourishing each other. We heal each other as we heal him. And he heals us.
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The other vision begins like the figure skating one, only we are here together, and he’s on a hoverboard or skateboard thing and I’m on skates. The first time, it began with just me, and then we found each other and teamed up. Now, we meet back up and say, time to get back to work. This, because I keep falling asleep from exhaustion. I am so fatigued that my body just stops. It’s been such a long time since I’ve been able to sleep deeply, and now I don’t have a choice. I wake up, and go about my day in a sort of a detached state, doing the things that I have to do, but with a sense of hurry, because I need to be able to stop and be quiet and still and try to find my way back to that place, because we have so much work to do. I get back, and we skate about, looking for all the places that need to be attended, and we infuse, we fortify, we weave new connections. The beloveds have arrived, and we’re all skating up, down, in, around, our trails of golden light fusing new pathways. It’s kind of like the enchanted cleanup scene from Beauty and the Beast, where all the enchanted ones dance about in a joyful and exuberant display, pixie dust sparkling here, there, twinkle, poof, all the while the place being put back into order, tip top. He leads the way on his hoverboard, spinning loop-the-loops and figure eights, this way guys, follow me! We laugh and skate and make a golden new network to let the love flow where it needs to go.
